The competition (explicit marvel fiction)

First Choice

Theres a knock on your door.
"Come in" you dont get up, just lay staring at the sky.
"Can i join you?" You hear Bucky's voice by the door.
"Sure, plenty of room " you pat the space next to you.
He lays down and looks up.
"You alright?"
"Yeah, well apart from nearly killing Stark, all good" you let out a sigh
"That wouldn't of been all bad" you hit him with a cushion.
"Hey" you both chuckle
You look towards Bucky, "Maybe I'm just not supposed to be here, i have a-lot of baggage, issues i haven't yet dealt with, its not fair to bring them here"
Bucky sits up and looks down at you
"Oh H, Trust me, you're in the best place, i should know"
You look at him quizzically
"Ive been exactly where you are, treated like a machine, a weapon, experimented on"
You sit up facing him. You look into his eyes, you see pain that is all too familiar.
"Hydra, you too?"
"Well you didn't think i grew this did you" lifting up his metal arm
You reach out and touch it.
"I never thought to ask, you just seem so together, so happy. how long ago was it?"
"A while now, its all in my past, these guys helped me and they will help you too" "so don't even think about going anywhere ok?"
You keep looking at his arm, tracing the parts with your fingers, staying silent.
"I know you're thinking it, I've been there, but you don't need to run anymore"
"I just don't know if i want all of my emotions back, after what happened in there, what if i can't control any of them, what if i hurt more people"
He puts his finger under your chin and tilts your head up, and moves the hair in front of your face to behind you ear, " we're all here to help Ok?, just trust me."
You Wrap your arms around him.
"Plus, you atleast need to finish this competition first, right? He winks
"Oh I'm not one to back out, surprised you remember anything from last night though?"
"I will be honest H, a-lot is a blur, but that conversation is as clear as day, and not something that can easily be forgotten"
You smile at him, he gets up to leave
"Thanks for the chat Bucky"
"Anytime"
He opens the door and turns to you before heading out,
"Don't keep me waiting too long will you,i'm not sure i can bare it"
"Patience Bucky, Patience" you fall back onto the bed continuing to look at the sky
He smiles at you then closes the door behind him.
You sigh, and get up.
You need a distraction, a distraction from your thoughts, from the past creeping its way back to you, from the destruction you've created!
What better way than to see who's first.
You write their names on paper, Fold them and put then into a cup
"Lets see who the lucky guy is then"
You pull out a name, read it and smile to yourself, "maybe i will give him a day or two to recover first"