The competition (explicit marvel fiction)

Not alone

A few hours have passed and you start to come around, your eyes squint with the brightness of the light. You can make out Tony sitting next to you. You raise you head and attempt to sit up. He springs out if his chair
"Hey hey, take it slow" Steve is on your other side.
Both holding your arms stabilising you
"Guys, honestly I'm fine" "better than i was anyway"
"How long have i been out for?"
"A few hours" Tony says
"Hey, stop looking so concerned Mr Stark, I'm ok now"
"Im sorry, i couldn't help you, i..."
"I understand, it just hurt so much i lost control and well, i just wanted it to end"
"You both didn't need to stay, I'm sure you had other things to do"
"There was no way i was leaving, what ever i said to you brought this on, i wanted to make sure i was here when you woke"
"Steve, nothing you said caused this, it could of happened at anytime I'm sure. But i am just glad you were there, i don't know what would of happened if you weren't" he places his hand into yours,
"Me too"
Tony looks at your hands.
"Miss Hunter, you can stay here as-long as you like, i can keep an eye on you, you can rest up next door, its more comfortable than the table"
Steve butts in "no, you carry on here Tony i'm sure you have lots to figure out, i will make sure she's ok, i feel responsible, its's the least i can do"
You try to get off the table, you're unsteady on your feet, Steve holds you up.
" come on, lets get you some rest"
You walk out with Steve, Tony watches you leave.
The rest of the team are outside.
"Guys, please tell me its a coincidence you're all just sitting outside Tony's lab and that you're not all waiting because of me?"
"You scared us" peter looks at you
"We wanted to make sure we were here if you needed us"
"Thanks guys, but I'm ok, nothing to worry about honestly!"
"Just some past trauma trying to make its way to the surface" you laugh it off
"Were glad you're ok" Nat gives you a hug
You walk off with Steve back to your room.
"You don't need to babysit me you know, i will be fine"
"Im not leaving, not until i know its safe for you"
"And what if it isn't, what if i cant control this?, then what, you stay with me forever?"
"If i have to" He looks deep in your eyes.
You break the gaze by looking down.
"Well that will be quite boring for you then, i don't exactly get up to much" you look back up and smile at him.
Once you get to your room you climb into your bed, you feel exhausted
"Can i ask you something?"
"Of course Captain"
"You kept muttering something, something about faces, do you remember anything?"
You try to recall, "no, no faces," you say whilst shaking your head "i do remember the crushing feeling in my chest, a feeling like i was going to die, but dying would bring me relief, but this wasn't going to let me have that"
He looks at you
"Im so sorry if i caused that"
"What was it? that emotion? I felt completely helpless and in so much pain, but not physical pain, it was deep in my chest like i was drowning"
He comes over to you, sits next to you in your bed, brushes your hair from your face.
"You're describing grief Agent Hunter, the worst emotion and pain of all" "the pain if loosing someone you love"
"Its going to come back isn't it? Its going to be worse, this is what was causing me to hold back" "Ive lost family Steve, family i don't even remember, but I've never lived through the pain of that, I've seen people with pain in their faces, pain that looks like it could change that person in an instant, but i could never understand it for myself.
In order to live a normal life, i have to feel every emotion thats been suppressed, how can i be strong enough to cope with that? How can anybody be?"
Steve doesn't have the words to reassure you, he knows it will take every ounce of strength you have after seeing you today. He lays next to you and holds you tight.
"What ever it takes, just remember im not going anywhere i promise"