Strings Attached (On-going)

26.WORRY

Less than two weeks?
Honestly, I shuddered as I thought about how it would actually feel knowing when one would die, how terrifying it would be.

I would be having nightmares till the day I would actually die, if it were me.

Scary thoughts run through my head as I drove back home from Oscar's house and worry enveloped me for him. I wondered what he was going through at this point in time. He hadn't had any relationship with his mom for close to twenty years and when she showed up, he wouldn't have the pleasure of enjoying her presence for long. He had so limited a time to make up for all the years he couldn't have with her. It must have been really heartbreaking for him. It broke my heart, knowing how much he was enduring and going through, it broke me to know he was broken.

I had promised Rebecca I would go see her the next day, I intended to keep that. She was an adorable person, "but she's not a good person", Oscar had countered when we were seated in his large coffee coloured couch. I had stood in awe of his house the whole time I was there. It was magnificent and purely fascinating. I bet I could gaze around the whole day with my mouth open, drooling, probably.

"Don't say that, she came back for you"

"She came because she is dying"

"And wanted to know you're okay before she departed.... circumstances can hinder a person's strong will, Oscar, you never know, she probably wanted to come look for you all her life"

"She never intended to come back to look for me"

"She has a few days Oscar, you need to let go of all that..... remember what DD said, she needs family, she needs encouragement, love......closure. You can't give her all that if you're still holding on to that hatred you've got for her, she still loves you. You never know, all those years, you were probably the only thing on her mind", I had said, in hopes of convincing him, somehow. He just nodded, and when he had raised his head to look at me, he was teary. A tear fell and he had wiped it abruptly, as though I wasn't supposed to see that, but I did, anyway.

"See? You love her, let's just be here for her.. It's all that matters"

"You're gonna stay with me in this?"

I nodded vigorously, "I am, I'm gonna be here with you....you think I'll be that heartless to leave you all by yourself in a situation like this? Nah, especially when she specifically told me to be here for you"

He chuckled loudly, "she told you that?"

"Uh-huh"

"What was the conversation?"

"It's girl talk, you've got no business in it"

"O-kayyy" he had said.

An email came through from Franka. She had sent updates of the day's endeavours, a detailed one........ What would I have ever done without her? She was so on point, I could never ask for a better assistant.

Dave called immediately after I read through the email I had received. He sounded exhausted. It was a little past eight, obviously he was already home, and probably getting ready to bed. "Heyyy!"

"Hey babe, how have you been?"

"Good I've been good, you know what, I'm driving so I'm gonna call you immediately I get home, yeah?"

"Al--right", he said after hesitating a while. He was probably wondering why I was out driving at this time. The usual me would be getting ready to go to bed by this time.

I was an early sleeper because I loved to wake up early. Even though I reported to work at eight in the morning. I loved do yoga a while. It was what my dad used to do, said it healed the soul, nurtured the senses and prepared you emotionally and mentally for the day. Right from childhood, I started doing yoga with him, my sisters and mom were never a fan......number one reason why my mom always said, my dad and I were the same.

Then there was painting....I painted every single morning. Going to the paint room every morning was like going to a shrine or praying to a deity for strength to last the whole day. For me, it was what gave me life.

So as it was, I had a lot to do in the morning before heading to work. So every time I stayed up till late night on workdays, it was for a very special and worthy cause....like tonight.

I called Dave back when I got home finally. As expected, he inquired about how come I was late.
"I had something to take care of"

"Oh okay, at work? Are they stressing you?"

"No no, not work"

"Oh alright", he said, unconvinced the wanting to know more."so..how was work today"

I wanted to tell him work was fine, as always, but that would have been lying. But instead of telling him where I actually was, I went against my better judgement. "Work was okay, you know normal, everything was okay, how was yours?" I had to avoid any further conversation about my work because I knew where it would have led to and I wasn't ready to tell him about my dealings with my "boss".

"A little stressful today"

"Oh, mind talking about it?"

To be honest, I wasn't really up for a conversation with him tonight, not to talk of knowing how exactly his day went, thoughts of him were nowhere on my mind....I felt awful admitting that to myself.

So he went on to tell me how he had a tough time at the courtroom today. A case of a woman who had allegedly murdered his own husband and two little children, by poisoning. He was the prosecutor. "You're a good lawyer, you'll get through this", I encouraged him.

I put myself to bed after washing down. Janice had released me of the over thirty minutes stress I would have gone through thinking of what to eat..... It was actually my daily ordeal. I was satiated by the time I left Oscar's home. Janice was a good cook.

My only duty left before I slept was to try and pray for Rebecca, as I had also promised to do. I wasn't really a staunch Christian, but at least I could say "The lord's prayer" or even Chapter 23 of the Psalms, my favourite actually. So since I couldn't go through my dad's way of praying just like the Pastors, I recited Psalm 23 for her and then gave myself to sleep, hoping my yawns, slurs, dozes and red eyes actually sent the prayer to its expected recipient, in full piece.