Strings Attached (On-going)

3. MENDING BROKENNESS

When I lost my whole family, I felt like a pariah in my own body. People showed me concern and love, but deep down I felt cast out and alone. I couldn't believe how swiftly my life took an unexpected swing. Reality struck me at the funeral, when I saw my whole family lying stiff on beds surrounded with wreaths at the funeral home. That's when I actually realized my life was on the verge of melting. Or had melted already.

Beth couldn't hide her excitement when I told her I wanted to see the therapist. In less than five minutes, she called back and then  gave me a woman's contact. Dialling the number, I called this woman, she sounded so sweet , reminding me of my mom."Hello, hi, uh.. I'm Lisa, I hope I'm speaking with Dr. Tonia", I gulped , God, I was so nervous.

"Yes, you are."

"Great, my friend Beth, the nurse gave me your contact, so I could have some sessions with you", I rubbed my bare thigh
"Sure, I learnt you're new here  so I would pick you up, uh .. when, when do you want us to meet?", Wait, what?
"she told you why I was meeting with you?", I really hoped she didn't.

"No, no, no need to worry", I sighed, letting out the air I had been holding in for the past  ten seconds or so.
" Oh great..uh..tomorrow then. I've not started work yet so , we can begin tomorrow"
" Alright Lisa, there's nothing to worry about, this is a safe space, I promise"

I smiled like she was there to see me. At last I could have a lap to pour my heart unto, I'd kept my pain and hurts inside me for a long time and they were eating me alive. On the other hand I needed to start work as soon as possible.

..........
I met Dr. Tonia downstairs, around noon the next day. She was a tall woman with a slender body in her mid forties, I assumed. Her blond hair bounced on her shoulders and her bangs were practically covering her eyes. She just wore T shirt and a jeans trousers just as me.

For a professional, I was expecting an official wear  sort of, but it was okay, her casualness made me comfortable. Her tiny lips bloomed into a smile when she saw me.  "Hello, glad you offered to pick me up, thanks". I said, returning her smile.
She shrugged and smiled wider, "don't mention it.....wow... you're pretty."

I blushed,"thank you, and you're very beautiful as well".
"Thanks Lisa, old age is trying to steal that from me..come on, let's go", we both laughed. We entered her BMW X7, "do you want some music?" She asked turning to me.
"Yeah, I guess, thanks".

Throughout the drive, my eyes were glued to the window, soaking myself into the music. It looked like I was looking outside, but actually, my mind was somewhere, somewhere as far back as my old home, with images of my family and I sitting around the dinning table talking and laughing at a joke obviously made by Hailey, my little sister, that girl could pass for a comedian.

I was sinking into my thoughts when the car came to an abrupt stop, snapping me to reality." Wow!' was what involuntarily came out of my mouth when I realized we had gotten to our destination....wherever this... was. She just smiled,"let's go take a walk, come on", she got out of the car with me following suit.

The sun was high but the air was cold. We began our walk on a bridge, "here's the central park. My husband brought me here on our second date", she smiled, "there was a fanfare".

"That's sweet.", I smiled, looking around. I halted when I saw two boys on the carousel,  looking at them, laughing and playing, my heart skipped several beats at once."Lisa, you alright?" Dr. Tonia came to my side, I nodded, "the carousel was my sister's favourite when we were little", I fought back the tears, while I clenched my teeth.

She led me to a bench nearby, "I loved it when I was little too...I had a brother rather,Jones, he loved it too. ", She knitted her brows together, concern was written all over her face. Why did she care? I mean, therapists are only interested in the paycheck, they don't really give a damn, they just feel they should do their job. Right? Maybe I was wrong. "Since we became our own adults, we hardly spend time together , unlike you girls, I'm sure you spend all your time together", she chuckled.

"I can see how happy you are looking at these kids play, I bet your childhood was all fun and gay" ......bitch, I'm not here to talk about childhood with you ... I wanted to say, instead, I told her about Lizzie and I , all the games we loved, the ballet dance she started while I chose painting, the places we went together, the types of clothes we wore, how we always confused our parents and people outside .

"There was like no difference between the two of us, you know, the only difference was, Lizzie had some freckles on her cheeks and left arm, and this scar I got on my forehead when we were like eight. She was so lovely, determined.. persistent and too caring, we never kept secrets from each other, you know, but we always fought over stupid things", I chuckled, drying my face with my palm, "even when we grew up. My sister was my confidant. We promised to be by each others side through any hurdle of life, but there I was, miles away when she-- they needed me more than ever. You know I almost went on that trip, you know, but I was writing my final paper, so I couldn't" I burst into tears.

Dr. Tonia had no idea what I was talking about but she put an arm around me so my head was on her shoulder, my tears were so bitter, I saw her wiping her eyes too. After almost fifteen minutes of staring into the silent clouds, I did what I knew she was waiting for me to do, open up more.

It was our first day, but I wanted to let it all out. "I had the most awesome family..you know, with the most loving parents. We didn't have much, but they always provided more than enough. We always on on trips together...but five months ago.." I sniffed the cold air, "I couldn't go with them, I had an exam, so they left without me... On the final day, I spoke to them in their way home. Saw all of their beautiful faces....", I broke down in tears..

"Lisa, we can talk about this another time", she was trying to help, but I wanted to tell it. I shook my my head and just continued, "no, it's fine.. It's why I'm here with you", she just nodded......"So yes , I had to go pick them from the airport, but the most terrible news got to me before they did.

I turned on the TV and there they were, all four faces , apparently, the only black family on the plane.... Yeah...My whole family lost their lives in that plane crash. I lost them in a split of a second....... So this is me, broken, lonely and devastated Lisa. You're still convinced you want to travel this journey with me?".

I stretched out my hand towards Dr. Tonia was teary too, but a smile crept up to her face when I put out my hands, "Yes, of course". She shook my hand and then gave me a warm hug. Her smile made me smile too, I hoped her yes was actually yes, because I was myself a load of problems to dissect.

I wish we had all met Hailey, I bet we'd have loved her 🥺🥺

My favourite part was the agreement, funny tho, but I got a little emotional.

Tell me yours in the comment session

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