Strings Attached (On-going)

15. IT'S OKAY

I woke up the next day feeling much more better than I had been the previous night. I hadn't heard from Beth, not that I was worried, well a little, but I didn't give her a call still.

I sat up on the floor, amazed at myself I had actually spent an entire night on the cold, hard floor, I turned on the TV and got up to go take a bath, I still smelled like the sea.

I walked through the corridor and turned left into the washroom. I stared intently at my image in the oval shaped mirror, while I brushed my teeth. I admit I looked beautiful, the braids fitted perfectly. For a strange reason, I was anticipating Oscar's reaction when he saw me on Monday at work. He used to go to the Salon with me sometimes to get my braids done. He loved it when I was in braids, especially when I got them long.

I took a quick bath and flew to the kitchen to do justice to my tummy.
I couldn't believe I had slept on an empty stomach, the usual me never skipped food for the entire universe. I walked back into the living room not paying attention to a music show going on on the TV. All I could think about was the hot oatmeal topped with bananas and apples, sitting peacefully on the tray in my hand.

A vibration from my phone made me run to the couch almost pouring my food. I picked it up to see Dave smiling so widely, his bald head shining under the lit balloons back in Culver city, that picture still made me laugh. "I smiled like a little boy, just delete that!" He had said, but I decided to keep it anyway and went ahead to use it as his contact photo--the stubborn side of me.
After seconds of intense deliberation, I decided to decline the call. It came again the second time, and then third.

Devouring my big bowl of oatmeal, I sauntered to my "paint room". I looked around taking my paces slowly, I hugged myself by the waist with my arms crossed. I looked at Dad raking our garden back in Dallas, a painting I had made for him for his 46th birthday. He used to spend almost all his free time there. He loved the garden like a last baby. There was also our old house, standing in all its beauty. It was the first painting I had done when I started to paint, the first thing you would see when you entered our house. There was also a random sculpture I had made, of two huge hands, one sliding a ring on the other's finger. It was for my parents when we were celebrating their Crystal anniversary.

I set up my canvas and took my palette, my paints and brushes. I closed my eyes and just imagined Lizzy doing one of her ballet dances on a stage. I dipped a brush into a paint and started painting. I always loved to watch her dance, even if she was just practicing, or just doing a stupid random dance while she dished out her meal, or when she descended the stairs. Hailey wanted to be like her, though she was a terrible dancer, so she usually joined her to practice while I just watched them. It was always fun.

Halfway through the painting, I felt a ting of guilt crawl up my chest. I fell bad for ignoring Dave, contrary to my thoughts earlier last night, I should have been the one apologising for deceiving him. I could justify my actions and my reason was simple, I didn't want to receive the pitying looks anymore, I had had enough and having people pity me was the last thing I needed.

So instead of acting like a self absorbed coward, I decided to reach out this time. I put my tools down and retrieved my phone from my bottom down pants. "Heyyy, what's up" I squeeled. I pinched myself on the cheek.. . seriously? What's up? After what happened I was being so casual and to talk of--- what's up? ....I was terrible. "I was in the bathroom so I had to... you know..", I trailed off, not knowing how exactly how to justify my childish actions of declining his calls.

"How are you feeling", he asked calmly

I was feeling awkward but instead I said, "oh, couldn't be better, I'm good, how are you?", I was surprised at how I was being so nonchalant about everything.

That was awkward!

He hummed, "I'm okay, I'm glad you're fine"

"Yeah"

We remained silent for a while, "do you mind if I come over?"He really didn't have to ask, normally he would just ask if I was free, I guess after the revelation he had had, he wanted to take careful steps.

This is what I didn't want, the pity, the cautiousness around me. The careful steps, I didn't want all that. I wanted to be a normal person, live a normal life. I had wallowed in pain and tears for a whole year. The reason I left home in the first place, to get away from the awful memories. The blanket of grief and sorrow that had coated me was enough to make me slid my own wrists.
I wanted to live, make my family proud, so I had to take a bold step of walking away.

"Yeah, sure, that'll be cool", I replied. He said to expect him in less than 10 minutes. So I paused my work, put everything in place before locking the door behind me.

*********

We sat facing each other, while I looked right past him at the flower pot on the console table. "Lisa  I'm so sorry about what happened... God! That must have been so hard for you--"
I just nodded looking down at my clasped fingers. "If you want to talk about it--"

I shook my head

"No?--right... But you know I'm forever here, if ever you want to talk. Or if you also---" He was sounded too cautious, like he didn't want to say anything to offend me.

"I'm good, thank you." I cut in. He nodded and smiled faintly.

"I know you miss them terribly"

I chuckled, "you just can't begin to imagine how much I miss them...how much I just want to dream and see them every single night when I sleep, I wouldn't even have a problem if their ghosts follow me everywhere I go", I giggled. Their ghosts could be sitting on my couches, in my car, they could even follow me to work and I'd have been okay. At least, feeling their presence would have been much more of a closure than the dark void they left in me and around me. "They left without any goodbye---the last time I spoke to them was on a damn screen....I just... I.." a tear fell on my lap

"Hey, hey hey" Dave whispered, rushing to my side. He sat beside me and wrapped his powerful arms around me and I just melted in them, his cologne imbuing my surrounding.
I hid my face in his chest and wept bitterly. "They were all I-ever had and--" I hiccuped, choking.

His hand rubbed my back invigorating me.
"You're fine okay, you're fine".

We stayed like that for the rest of the time and he just rubbed my back. His heartbeat rang in my ears so audibly like the sound of a bass drum.

"Where's Beth?" Dave asked looking around, as he just realised we had been alone for hours

"Gone" I said, unaffected

"Lisa, it was my fault, you didn't have to---" he tried to explain

"She left on her own... We fought, yes, but I didn't ask her to leave"

He opened his mouth to say something and closed it again.
"It's not your fault" I said to ease his tension and he nodded. We returned to our position while he stroked my cheek. I felt like a baby in his arms. I was just grateful he was there.

I know this chapter didn't turn out as eventful as I wanted it to but let's all push our expectations ahead😁😁😁

And I miss Oscar, I know you do too, but as I said, let's push our expectations ahead, and look forward to seeing him more in the upcoming chapters. He's our main man anyways😄😄

❤️❤️