Strings Attached (On-going)

5. DÉJÀ VU

Oscar's POV
A year ago.....

I had never felt so fulfilled in my whole life. Mostly, I was this lonely kid with few friends. Family was out of my story. My mom left home when I was just 8 and hadn't returned since. Her departure didn't really make any difference but My dad became a sot. He got into a car accident while driving drunk and died when I was 18, I had just graduated from high school.

There was always a bad blood between my parents and their forced marriage explained it all. My dad had a big heart, even after my mom left, he showed me love more despite his awful drinking, which made him act insane sometimes. So when he died , my life was shattered.

My life was literally empty till I met this amazing girl, who never stopped making me speechless with her unending showcase of love. Her family and friends became mine too. My dad taught me embrace all, so her race and colour never changed what I felt for her.

People undeniably admired us, we were adorable, even I knew that, no one needed to tell me. We were so transparent to each other , but I guess I wasn't enough. Lisa was all I had, my life, but if I hadn't taken that for granted, I wouldn't be thinking of how to break the news of my terrible act to her now.

It was a very cold day though the sun was slightly up. We were in my kitchen grilling chicken for dinner, for both of us. "Seriously, Oscar if you burn the chicken, I won't forgive you", she aggressively warned amidst laughter. She always gave me chores whenever we did anything together, and I loved it, I always learned new stuff.

"I've done this numerous times, so calm down Adelle Davis, we'll eat the best chicken tonight", I gave her a wink.
She laughed, "Adelle Davis? Really?... you're crazy". That night was one of my best moments with her, she picked out a movie, and I'm sure we would have been thrown out if we were in a cinema, we discussed every single scene.

It's was very late when we got ready to sleep, but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't hide it anymore. Knowing Lisa, I was scared to tell her. She was slow to anger, but the day she got angry, it was fire. So I decided to tell her in the morning.

The universe obviously had other plans for me as Lisa kept tapping me to wake up in the middle of the night. I wondered exactly what would wake her up at this ungodly hour. My heart flipped when I eventually woke up.
There she was staring at my phone screen, teary. I sat up immediately,
"Lisa?"

"Can you please tell me I'm dreaming?", She directed the screen to me and there I was, frozen. Why on earth would Monica send a text today of all days? I was just speechless while I read the text over and over again.

Monica: My bedsheets still smell like you, I miss you. Please don't ignore me. Please.

What the actual fuck!!!

"Lisa, I can explain this, I've been meaning to tell you, please. Let me explain." Meanwhile, she was already putting her clothes back on, already in tears. "Can you please listen to me, please?" I walked up to her and then in a split of a second, the next thing I felt was a flashing heat on my left cheek, "Lisa-" , another hot flash!

I deserved it. "I trusted you Oscar, with my whole life. I thought you were different. How could you do this after all these years. What did I ever do?" Her sobbing broke my heart.

"Lisa, it was a mistake, it was the night of Frank's party and I got drunk!" I tried getting close

"Don't even think about it ...and hold up, it's her brothers party so you just thought you had a greenlight to jump into bed with her? The day after the party you told me you left the party before 11pm....wow, Oscar, I'm totally shook right now...wow!"

"I was drunk , I'm sorry, and I lied I'm also sorry. I messed up, I'm..so..sorry. And I wanted to tell you, I was just looking for the right time. Lisa I'm sorry, please." I don't think my words were hitting her, because she was just still with her arms hanging on her sides and tears were just snaking down her cheeks. I had never felt so horrible in my entire life, not even when I spoilt our TV the very day my dad bought it.

"Oh yeahhh, the first time with Christine was a mistake too yeah, I forgot your whole life is a mistake.... Oscar look at me" I couldn't, I was too ashamed to, "Look at me!!" At this point, I knew my shame could wait if I wanted to save my cheeks, I lifted my head to face her fury. "Do I look like a fool to you?"

"No babe.... Lisa I don't even know how I ended up in her room that night. Believe me!" I pleaded.

"You're a shitty person Oscar", she spat out in disgust, "I never want to see you again. You and me, are so done...and oh, have fun with your white girl. You should have told me you preferred vanilla to chocolate these days". Without anymore words, she just turned to leave.

I knew my chance of getting back with her was very slim, there was nobody to save me. Her whole family knew about it including Beth, her best friend. She ignored me for three weeks straight and I couldn't handle the pain and shame anymore. So I did what I thought was best.

Go away.

I knew it was a decision I would regret, but I just had to.

NOW...

Finally seeing Lisa just a hand stretch away revived all sort of emotions in me. I spent two whole weeks bracing myself for this particular moment. When I saw her name among the list of applicants, I only had to have them go through interviews just for formality sake, but I already knew my pick. She was the perfect person for this portfolio.

I had so many questions, so so many, but I reserved all for when I met her in person. I was actually dreading her reaction when she got to finally meet me, I didn't expect our first meeting to be all smiles, she would probably scream at me or throw objects at me, I deserved all that.

Obviously, she was still mad at me for leaving her, though she indirectly made it clear she didn't want to set eyes on me again. I respected her and didn't want to hurt her, so to me, going away was the best idea, or so I thought.

Her perfect figure came through the door, along with her heart melting smile which weakened me to my knees. Her brown eyes were blazing with excitement which was shortly replaced by surprise, hurt, fury and hate, all combined. I could see all of that in there.

I wanted to hug her so bad, kiss her, but then again, our first meeting after what seemed like forever could not begin with hugs and kisses, like nothing had ever happened. So I maintained my position.

Her feet wouldn't move and her bag just fell to the ground. She kept her gaze on me and there, I knew things were yet to get messy.
"Hi Lisa" I asked calmly, tension building slowly from my toes up.

She didn't respond, just stared at me blankly. Her face was drained of all emotions.
"Hey Lisa, you okay?" I repeated, a bit louder, she blinked several times, and then as though she just woke from a dream, she squinted her eyes at me.

"Oscar", it came out more like a whisper. Her intent gaze told me she had a lot of questions too. At this point, the tension in the room was getting unbearably frightening. I felt cold beads of sweat forming gradually on my forehead. Of course I didn't expect it to be easy, but this atmosphere was getting lethal.

"You are here", at last, for a fleeting moment, I thought she had lost her voice.
I straightened myself and cleared my throat anxiously, "yes, I am, so are you". She just resumed the blank stare, while fidgeting her feet. I assumed she was tired, my eyes travelled to her feet, "let's sit at least"

"I think I want to leave", was all she said, before she took a sharp turn.

On reaching the door, she halted, making me sigh hopefully, praying she had changed her mind or anything close, but I was disappointed. "And, thank you for the job, but I think I'll pass", and then out the door, she went. Instead of going after her, stopping her somehow, I just watched her go.

I knew better then to go after her. At this point, I was having an intense ambience of déjà vu, I felt so queasy.

This was actually me, still me, a coward, afraid to fight for what I wanted, afraid to hang on, afraid to direct my feet where my heart wants to go. If I had just overcome these setbacks a year ago, our lives would have been so different.

She was mad at me? I was so mad at me too.
.....

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