Nothing You've Come To Expect - Alex Turner

9. your entrance just caused the temperature to rise

Monday
I go back home from work that night in a dream state.
It felt so natural with Alex this past weekend. But, as soon as I go back in my every day life, everything seems absolutely unreal.
Just this morning I was in his kitchen and he was serenading me with a song on the acoustic guitar, singing in a raspy morning voice, while we waited for coffee to brew. A skinny coloumn of smoke raising up from a forgotten cigarette in the ashtray. I felt something inside, during those few minutes, which exalted me and at the same time scared me, for how powerful it was. I'm not sure how to describe it, or how to call it. What the fuck was that? I felt love before, or so I thought. Was that what it's actually supposed to feel like, maybe?

I open the door to my apartment and when I enter I almost feel like I'm two different persons or that I am living two lives. And the thought that I won't live that life, the one where Alex's in, for the whole week, it's a sweet misery.
I keep torturing myself by smelling the scent of my hair, which smells like his. I miss his presence already. I'm so addicted and utterly infatuated.

Claudia walks in the living room as I throw myself on the couch and I stare at the wall, like hallucinated. She's probably dying to know everything about the (extended) weekend at Turner's.
"So?!"
I turn my head slowly towards her. "Cla, I'm so in trouble."
"Ann! You know better than that! I even gave you protection, you didn't use it?!"
"Not THAT kind of trouble!!! We put your handouts to good use. "
"Oh! thank god!" She sits with me on the sofa.

"It's just...I'm falling for him. Hard. I mean, I already adored him even before all this, imagine how I'm feeling now. This is gonna come back to bit me in the ass." I sink my teeth in my lower lip.
"Why are you saying that?"
"I don't know. I feel like this is dangerous."
"He seems like a decent guy, based on what you say about him."
"He's the nicest guy." I can't help but smiling while saying that.
"It's the fame. It scares you," she tilts her head.
I look at her, nodding.
"If there's something good between you two it will be worth it...Don't worry about that for now. Just enjoy, girl."
"Oh, I am! I'm enjoying every second." I'm grinning like an idiot.
Yes, the fame scares me a bit, but it's more than that. Our lifestyles are so different, I wonder if it's even gonna work. Plus, he's about to go on tour. I guess I'll see what happens, but the feeling that this will be trouble is strong.

"Tell me everything now! Mama's curious! Oh wait, let me open the Prosecco," Claudia exclaims, trotting to the kitchen.

I retire in my room after a long talk in front of wine and some dinner.
I'm in bed, with my cat sleeping at my feet, like usual. I'm too distracted to read or to even follow anything on TV. I just look at the screen on mute with some music on, instead, while scrolling on my phone looking for something to catch my attention.

A song comes up and I smile, thinking about the past few days:

[...]
I came along when he broke your heart
That's when you needed someone

To help forget about him

I gave you love with a brand new start
That's what you needed the most
To set your broken heart free

I know you cried, and you felt blue
But when I could I gave strength to you
I'm waiting for the day when you can love again

I kissed your lips
And when your face looked sad
It made me think about him
And that you still loved him so

I'm waiting for the day when you can love again
[...]

I send it to Alex via a music app that I know he also uses.