𝙃𝙐𝙎𝙏𝙇𝙀 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙃𝙄𝙏 // 𝙤𝙞𝙠𝙖𝙬𝙖 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝙭𝙭𝙭

Your mouth went dry at the question and you looked at his side profile.
"What?" you asked, dumbfounded. you tried to ignore that his face from the side looked... decent.

"Do you hate me?" he repeated, eyes on the road. you hesitated, struggling and fumbling to find an answer to the unexpected (and seemingly out-of-the-blue) question.

Oikawa took your silence as the aforementioned answer.
"I should have expected as much." he mumbled.

"Oikawa-san, give me a second to answer." you said. "I don't hate you."

"Then why do you just... act like I don't exist?" he asked carefully, like he was defusing a bomb.

"Haven't you been doing the same to me all these years?" you replied. At that, he pulled over to the side of the road. Your heart started thudding louder, harder in your chest as he turned to face you.

Oh god.

"[L/N]-chan, let's get one thing straight. i don't hate you. i never have." he said. "and I never could."

He sucked in a sharp breath. Your heart went from pounding to freezing, feeling as if it was stuttering to a complete stop. Oh no. No, no. This had better not be what you thought it was.

"Oikawa-san." you said, eyes widening and brow furrowing.

"I-I still really want to be your friend, [Y/N]-chan... [L/N]-chan. And... I just can't stand the way you've always looked at me, like you hate me. Even though you say you don't... how can I believe you? I really, really want to make this work. You're one of the best people I've met I think, nobody has ever made me feel this way - not my fanclub, not even Iwa-chan. I know I said I could wait for you, and I can, I-I just don't know for how much longer."

"Oikawa-san..." you looked at him and his brown eyes filled with hope, before turning away, brow furrowing again.

You could practically hear the falter in his racing heartbeat as he realised that the one thing that could go wrong: was going wrong.

"Tell me honestly, what did you think was going to happen after you said that? That I'd tell you how much I really enjoyed your company or something?" you said, coming out more jagged than you'd liked.

And when you turned to look at him, you could pinpoint the exact moment his heart shattered.

"[Y/N]-chan..." he started. "listen..."
"No, Oikawa-san, you listen. I don't think you know what you've done to me. Throughout the entirety of middle school, I felt that I was invisible to you. I tried to be your friend, I tried anything to just get closer to you because I wanted to be good like you. but no. And then it got worse. Kags-chan, he's a familiar, and..." you didn't have to delve further. "and then it suddenly felt like, rather than blocking me out, you... actively started to hate me. The anger and the sadness and the fear you put me through isn't something I can ignore."

"[L/N]-chan..." he whispered.

"Don't call me that." you said solemnly.

"[L/N]." he corrected quietly. "I didn't know you felt that way."
"Well, now you do." you said shortly.
"I... I'm sorry. I feel terrible." he answered.

"That's the issue! What do you expect me to do, Oikawa-san! Suck it up and smile and say it's fine because you feel bad?" you exploded. "this isn't some cheesy friday night hallmark movie! Things don't turn out the way we want!"

"Can't you understand where I'm-"

"Just because you've decided to switch up all of a sudden, does not mean I have to reciprocate." you snarled, the words slipping out before you had a chance to stop them. Now you'd done it.

He went silent before nodding, looking the other way.
"I see."

Your chest ached because you had wanted nothing more than to be Oikawa's friend. And you'd gone and ruined it.

"You said you'd wait for me." you struggled to contain the anger bubbling in your throat. "you said you'd let me take my time so we could be friends."

"I guess... that I should drive you home." as he dodged your words, you heard his voice break and you were sure that your heart cracked a little bit too.

You nodded silently and he drove the car back out onto the empty road, U-turning and going back the way he had come. For the rest of the almost silent journey, you honed in on the static of the radio and pretended like you couldn't hear Oikawa's quiet sniffling which he so desperately seemed to be trying to cover up.

The car pulled up at your house and Oikawa went to speak, but decided against him once you both heard the pathetic little noise that came out instead of words.

You decidedly got out of the car, stepping out into the rain. Oikawa stared at you through the window. You walked up to your home, up the pathway, not looking back. You walked inside and watched him drive away through your kitchen window. Once he was gone, you silently made your way up the stairs, Sora and Tooru both tangling around your ankles. You stripped yourself of your wet clothes and put on some fluffy pyjamas. You climbed under your duvet, curling your legs to your chest and laying still.

Tooru and Sora climbed up, Sora reclaiming her place on your windowsill and Tooru slithering beneath the duvet and curling up in the curve your knees made when they bent up to your chest.

You began to sob quietly.

You were a terrible, terrible person.