A promise to kill

A promise

Life went on just as it should. A few week or so later, after my thoughts and fantasies of being a pirate had ripened enough, I began following captain with a stronger purpose. Though he had grumbled and complained when he noticed my presence, at some point, he became so used to my presence that if I were not at his side, he called for me more often than not. Everyday after breakfast, he would call for me to follow him on his rounds up and down the ship but my most favorite daily lessons were when we would stand at the helm, with the sun on our back, eyes facing ahead to wherever we were headed. He never spoke a word nor did he ever explain his actions but I was never one to complain.
I did my best to pretend to have no interest in something as simple as standing but in my head, I absorbed everything before my eyes. The way he steered our magnificent ship, the way the sails would resist the wind, even things as simple as when the night would turn to day.  My thoughts were fragmented between the moment I woke up and the moment I would lay down for sleep and I could hardly piece together anything besides what I had learned from captain that day but every night, I looked forward to what the next day may bring.
Some days I felt horribly ashamed for seeming to do nothing while others were worked to the bone doing their taxing day to day chores and I desperately tried to busy myself whenever I was not following the captain around but at length, whenever I heard my captain call for me from the helm, I could hardly see the things before me as I hurriedly rush to his side. I heard some men snicker as I rush to him like a trained dog which made my face burn with shame but when I finally faced the grand man, he stepped away from the wheel and ushered me forward. Confused, I tried to search his eyes for an answer but found none before he muttered a single phrase.
" You know how." He stepped further away and leaned against the mast watching me with eyes like a hawk. I didn't know what he meant but the knobs felt almost natural in hands. It was heavy and if the ship turned even in the slightest, the wheel would turn in the opposite direction. I had been so focused on keeping her moving straight forward that I failed to notice that the captain had left his posted position, disappearing under the deck. I panicked for a second but soon realized exactly what he meant. I knew how.
Hours, the captain left me on the helm, checking on me from time to time and even telling me to change the course but never taking back the wheel. A sense of pride is what I felt. The longer I had stood above the crew, watching the sea and sky, the more I understood of this life and what the captain had said about us. The longer I thought about it, the more I saw that we were simply a small part of a larger story. A story written about the sea.
Hours turned to days where the captain would call for me and leave me to man the wheel before disappearing for hours at a time. When the seas were calm and nothing was amiss, Heat or Wire would join me bringing with them treats from the mess hall.
They would talk so fondly of past adventures that I could almost see everything before my eyes. Another thing came apparent to me, though we are all pirates, perhaps, we all have different reasons for being here, different reason for become pirates but why i am here, I've yet to find out.
Then a day came when the sky began to change. Within an hour, dark clouds rolled in taking over the skies and all light seemed to disappear, making it seem like the previous sunny days were all but a dream. The subtle rumbles of thunder over head grew louder with every minutes until lighting flashed directly over head. Men were scrambling around rushing to ready for a storm and suddenly an unfamiliar crew member ran towards me. In all my time on deck, none of these men had approached me, they knew what to do, they never acknowledged me and yet this man, ran up to where I stood over them in a hurry.
" What should we do?" he asked this almost desperately, as if I would have all the answers but I was only a young girl. I stared back at him with the same amount of desperation that he had directed at me. All of them, everyone on deck stared up at me, waiting for an answer, waiting to be told what to do, not one familiar face in the crowd.
The mast whined in protest to the strong winds and as the winds grew stronger,  our ship tipped from side to side wildly as the waves crashed into her. The captain was nowhere to be found and even the floor boards of the deck moaned and groaned as the ship tried to fight against the brewing storm. The crew broke off in groups, doing what they could to stead the ship but nothing seemed to work. Some yelled while others argued. Nothing was being done and everything seemed hopeless.
My eyes had begun to sting, not only with the waves crashing onto us but in fear at hearing the men beginning to yell out angrily at me, trying to make sense of the sudden storm but I could barley keep the ship from being taken by the said storm. My arms, they violently shook all the while my heart drummed thunderously in my chest. My mind was blanking out, I couldn't think of what to do, I couldn't think at all, I didn't like it at all, not at all. I couldn't think over the sound of the chaos and panic began to truly set in not only in my mind but in the crew's. Trapped, I felt trapped like a cat caught in a trap, unable to run, unable to hide, stuck with the fear of impending doom, the kind of fear that had her hairs stand on end, and her eyes wide, dilated like the eyes of a reptile. 
"Close the sails and tie the lines. Tie down anything and anyone on deck to the mast or we'll have men over board." Hands grasped the wheel over mine, steadying Victoria instantly. His voice was calm yet commanding. I caught a glimpse of his mask and I remember feeling a wave of calm wash over me, as if by magic, I knew that we were safe. The man who once looked at me so desperately now looked reassured and glad. The previously panicked and desperate man rushed back to relay the orders to the rest of the crew. With my back pressed up against his chest, I could feel his chest rumble with every words he bellowed out.
" What are you cowards panicking for! We've weathered worst stormed than this!" Killer yelled over the roaring waves that were so loud that I could barley think. I'd thought that no one would hear him but they all cried out and got to righting the ship.
" I've got you." He spoke softly next to my ear as rain pelted down on us from the heavens. Lightning flashed and thunder roared over head but I could hear Kid's laughter, All he did was laugh. He laugh in the face of god as the lord in heaven rained hell down on us from above. Killer steered the ship with expertise as if this were any other day of sailing, the years of experience obvious in his calm movements. He released my hands for a moment.
" hold on to me " I could almost imagine a smirk on his face as if he were enjoying the storm but I did as I was told. With held myself close to him as the waves crashed onto our deck, washing out multiple men, which he in turn wrapped a strong arm around me as well.
" In a storm, you don't fight the wind, all you need to do is guide the ship through it." He explained this as he lets the wheel turn on her own.
"It was cruel of you to leave her out her on her own Kid. You knew there was a storm brewing." His sudden statement confuses me until I notice the presence of the captain behind us. He stared me down like a parent to their child.
" It's just a short squall and I wanted to see how long it would take before she broke." and just as he said, the rain began to lighten and though the waves still harshly crashed against the deck, the winds died down. Ashamed that he knew I would break, I looked down at the ground as Killer stepped away releasing me from his hold. I began to turn away from the pair but the captain's heavy hand landed atop my head.
" You did good." It amazes me how that single praise had vanquished the shame that I had previously felt. The storm was almost gone by the time I was sent off to help clean up but I never expected to find the crew grinning at me when I offered to help. My back was patted roughly by some, while other commented of how I weathered my first storm. My chest swelled with pride as I felt accepted by them. Some of the men still had ropes tied around their waists and I supposed this should have been my first clue that this storm had not completely past yet.
A single rouge wave crashed into the ship, most everyone was knock down but a single cry, caught my attention, the cry of one of the cabin boys. After men got up from the embarrassing wash out, they began yelling out to each other to get a head count but by that time, I had already dove over the rail and after the boy. What I heard last was my name being yelled.