Inconsquential Love ((Part Two))

Part 13

Dally's P.O.V

She's slumped on my couch, jacket closed tightly around her crossed arms. I didn't really want the first time I had her over to go like this. I had it all planned out in my head but of course with this one things never go as planned. 

She's stopped crying but her tear-stained cheeks are still clearly visible, the sun from the window hitting her face as she stares out at nothing. She's biting her lip and trembling a little and it takes everything in me not to hold her. I hate seeing her cry. I hate it even more when I know I'm the cause.

I hate that shit has to be like this every single time. I hate fighting with her. I hate that she has to make everything so difficult all the time and can't just say screw it and put her guard down and just be with me. It was impossible not to lose my nerve with how she acts. Like I'm always the bad guy or somethin'.

I get it, she wants Soda. I know it's not really what she wants but hey, I'll play along for now - if that's how she wants it to go down this time.

I put the tea I had just made down in front of her and she looks up at me, blinking. "It's green tea." I tell her. "Might calm you down or somethin'..." I say, taking a seat across from her. She mumbles a thanks and takes her hands out of her oversized sleeves to drink it. 

Fuck.

How did we get here again?

Time after time after time it's always the same shit. Running around in circles with this chick.

I put my head in my hands and rub my face, feeling numb. When I got up this morning I wasn't expecting this shit. Granted, I'd been waiting for some type of response from her. Some type of...something...but not this.

We've stopped arguing for now though and we're just in this weird midst of silence. It should feel uncomfortable, but it doesn't. I don't ever feel that way around her. I lay myself bare time and time again in front of her - so it's hard for me to feel that way at this point. 

She was this familiar ongoing part of my life. My constant. I know how it sounds, alright? It sounds stupid. It sounds like bullshit. But there it was. I'd never not thought of her as end game. Not once. Had I somehow proposed to Slyvia? Maybe. But even then, I still pictured myself with this girl in front of me. I pictured us ending up together. From the start, I always knew it would be her. And now she's telling me she's choosing to go with someone else...but I know that's bullshit. Because there's no way I can feel what I feel and she can't. This isn't unrequited crap, this is real. I knew her like the back of my hand. I knew her. She just didn't get that. 

"So I take it Soda's alright with you being here, then?" I ask, breaking the silence now. I lean back in the chair and look at her as she puts the tea back down and shrugs.

"Soda isn't like us, Dal. He's trusting. He's...I don't know...good." She mumbles.

I laugh without realizing at this and she looks at me, confused or annoyed I can't tell which. "I'm not good?" I ask, getting ticked off again. 

"Given the chance would you be all over me right now?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. 

I laugh again. "Okay. You got me there." I confess and she nods, point taken. "So...you're not good then?" I ask, meeting her eye. "And why's that?"

"Do you really have to ask? Apparently, I'm cold and cruel and don't care who I hurt." She says, repeating after me now. 

I take a deep breath and take the sting from her comment. Alright. Another point taken. I guess I had gone there.