Wednesday 21.02.24

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by iChaeryun

by iChaeryun

Yesterday I heard that I'll be going back to school March 1st.
I NEED to be skinny again.
I need to be skinny when I go back to school and when the next Y appointment is. I must do well. I can't make anymore slip ups.
I will succeed. End of this vacation I want to be 55. Godverdomme klote Y I need to know when that stupid appointment is. I won't let them weigh me but still.
Imagine going back to school and look skinny. And imagine going to Y at 51 or smt.
Will I ever even reach my goal weight of 48?
Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing stick legs and a flat stomach and tiny wrists. I can't eat. I hate my fat body.
Saturday or smt is my mums birthday. If I do well now and don't eat I can have a piece of cake. We are going walking that day as well so that'll burn it off. I must lose weight. No time for anymore slip ups.

I want to be underweight again. Spring last year was so good. I was so skinny. I will be skinny again.
The fact that if I didn't have slip up I would've been skinny months ago.

So far today has been good. I haven't eaten. I went longboarding with my best friend and I went cycling with my mum and dog.
Tomorrow I'm going on a long walk with my family. I'm looking forward to that, I just have to make sure I don't eat but I can do that.
I don't understand why I ate yesterday and last week. I know getting skinny is the best feeling ever, I know it's better than eating so what the hell is my problem?
Last year I did it easily. I didn't eat anything except for dinner for weeks and got so skinny. People called it scary. People think I don't have an ED anymore.

I can't do any longboard tricks anymore... I have to relearn them all. I knew quite a few. I need to know them before mid spring. I'm happy today because I started skating season. I'm also looking forward to sailing season! I'm going sailing with my two best friends some day. They don't know how to sail but I'll teach them. We have a spanker so that's not too difficult:)
I'm sad that I had to miss snowboard season. Yesterday a year ago I was in the bus on my way to the mountains.

I just had dinner and my family wanted ice cream as dessert. I managed to ask my dad for pear water ice cream so that's like 30 calories or so.

I played mario card with my sister and we watched de dolle tweeling:)