Trigger warning: depression, suicide attempt
Diana didn't plan to spend her Friday night chasing down her best friend's car, yet here she was. Roger had pulled out of his driveway a few minutes earlier, and didn't pick up his phone when Diana called him. Almost on instinct, Diana hopped off of her couch and ran after Roger's car. She didn't even bother to put shoes on. She simply ran outside in her socks and pajamas to try and flag Roger down. Diana realized she probably looked crazy, but she couldn't be bothered to care. There were bigger issues at hand.
"Roger!" Diana called after the car, not sure if he could even hear her,"Roger stop!"
Diana knew Roger had been sad, depressed as some would say. People always joked that Diana and Roger were like light and dark. Diana was known for her bright smile, and joyful demeanor. Roger,on the other hand, had sad eyes that he hid behind his glasses. He once told Diana that he walked through life with a dark cloud over his head. His responsibilities at home on top of his schoolwork didn't help his stress. Roger was in all honors classes and put so much pressure on himself to do well. He was practically an insomniac, considering that he stayed up until 3 in the morning doing homework and studying. Diana had tried to help Roger in any way she could to get rid of his dark cloud. She tried to teach him how to paint, as it was one of her favorite hobbies and always left her with a smile. She would put music on and encourage Roger to dance around the room with her. She would sit and listen to Roger ramble for hours about anything that was on his mind. Roger originally rolled his eyes at the ideas, but eventually seemed to grow fond of them. Diana would see a small smile from on his lips while they painted. She heard him laugh at Diana's ridiculous dance moves. She thought that it was helping, and that Roger was getting better.
She was obviously wrong, which was why she was now chasing his car down trying to stop him from running away. It didn't take long for Diana to catch up with Roger since he was driving incredibly slow, especially for Roger. Diana continued to speed walk next to the driver's side of the beat-up Jeep.
"Roger, listen to me!" Diana screamed at the closed window, "I know it's been tough for you recently, but running away isn't going to solve anything!"
Roger ignored Diana's pleas, and keep his eyes on the roads. Diana sighed before walking in front of Roger's car, opening the passenger's door, and hopping in the car.
Roger kept driving, but looked over at Diana bewildered before asking, "What on earth are you doing?"
"I'm talking you out of a huge mistake," Diana responded, "Listen, I know how bad things have been for you. I know how unfair life has been for you. But you can't run away. Nothing good can come from you running away."
"I'm not running away," Roger stated.
Diana struggled to wrap her head around that.
Not running away? she thought to herself, What could he possibly be doing if he's not running away?
She began to tear up involuntarily. Diana couldn't help but feel guilty for what was happening.
"If this is about what happened tonight, I'm really sorry," She said to Roger, trying to keep her voice from cracking.
"This isn't about tonight," Roger told her, "not entirely at least."
"You know you're my best friend in the world, right?" Diana questioned.
Roger didn't answer. He just kept his glassy eyes on the abandoned roads ahead of him. Memories of earlier started to flash in Diana's head, and she fought to keep them back.
Half an hour before he took off in his car, Roger showed up at Diana's doorstep. Diana let him in, assuming that he wanted to have movie night, as they usually did on weekends.
"What's up, Rog?" Diana asked, smiling at her best friend.
Roger made a face at the nickname Diana had given him years ago. Diana knew the name Rog annoyed him, and that's why she kept using it.
He smiled nonetheless before asking, "Can we talk?"
"Sure?" Diana said as she moved out of the way to let him in her house.
Both of them made their way into the living room without saying much. Diana was trying not to panic. She had no idea what Roger wanted to talk about. Maybe something had happened with his mom. That was probably what it was. Of course Roger would come to Diana with that.
The two friends sat on opposite sides of the couch from each other. Diana hugged her paint stained knees to her chest and rested her chin on top. This was Diana's default position for whenever she sat on the couch. Roger always made fun of her for it, but Diana wouldn't stop insisting that it was a comfortable position. Roger, on the other hand, was hunched over with his hands folded and his leg shaking uncontrollably. It was one of his ticks, that only came out when Roger was nervous. While Diana looked intently at Roger, he refused to make eye contact with her. Instead, he looked down at his sneakers.
Diana tried to lighten the mood with a joke, "You know, if you keep shaking your leg like that, it's gonna fall off."
Roger let out a small chuckle before saying, "Sorry, force of habit."
"What did you wanna talk about, Roger?" Diana asked.
Roger inhaled sharply before saying, "I just, I wanted to say thank you. It's been pretty hard for me these past few months, and you've stuck by me the entire time. I wanted you to know how much it's meant to me."
Diana's face lit up in a smile, "You know I always got your back, Rog."
She then moved over to the other side of the couch to enfold Roger in an awkward bear hug. Roger hugged her back. When Diana went to move away however, Roger gently grabbed her hands, and held them in his.
"Diana," Roger breathed out, "I'm in love with you."
Diana sat there frozen, unable to use her voice.
She finally was able to form a coherent sentence, "You're joking, right?"
Roger shook his head, "I've been in love with you for a while. I don't know what happened. I guess just watching you paint on your knees, seeing you dance like an idiot, hearing your voice I fell in love with you."
Diana's mind was running a mile a minute. In all the years her and Roger had been friends, she never thought about Roger like that. She loved him, just not in the same way.
Roger then asked her, "You don't feel the same way, do you?"
Diana didn't responded, she couldn't find it in her to break her best friend's heart.
"I'm so sorry," Roger said before quickly storming out. Diana didn't say anything.
The Jeep finally parked on top of a tall bridge, and Roger got out. Diana followed him. She tried to say something, but her voice died out as Roger stood on the railing of the bridge. Diana finally realized: Roger was going to jump.
"Roger! No! Don't do it!" Diana shrieked.
"Why shouldn't I?" Roger's shaky voice questioned, "No one wants me. Not even you."
Diana was at a loss. She couldn't pull Roger off the bridge. Roger was over six feet tall, and obnoxiously muscular. Diana was only 5'3 and wore a size extra small. Acting out of fear for her friend, Diana was suddenly standing on the ledge next to Roger.
Roger yelled at her, "What are you doing? Get down!"
"If you jump, I jump too," Diana told him confidently. "Do you still think no one wants you?"
Diana stood there defiantly. She ignored her fear or heights, and the uneasy quiet sounds of the night, and the bitter cold of the railing seeping in through her socks. She just hoped and prayed to whoever was up there that this would show Roger that she loved him, even if it wasn't romantically.
Roger stood there frozen for a second before sticking his right foot out over the lake, "You're bluffing."
Diana stuck her foot out as well, "Try me."
Roger looked at his best friend. Diana looked back at him. Trying to show with her eyes how she felt about him. She tried to show him that he did have someone who cared about him. He slowly stepped off of the railing. He was on the bridge. He didn't jump. He was safe. Diana jumped down as well. Once she did, Roger fell to his knees and started sobbing. The cries ripped through his chest as the river of tears streamed down his face. Diana dropped down next to him and wrapped her arms around her best friend.
"It's okay, you can cry. Let it all out," Diana said calmly trying to soothe him, "It'll make you feel better."
Roger clung to Diana and continued to cry. He held onto her as if she was the only thing keeping him from going over the edge of the bridge. Diana let him.
After a few minutes, Roger calmed down a little and Diana figured it was safe to ask him, "Do you wanna go home?"
Roger sniffled and nodded. Both of them slowly stood up and Diana led the boy to the passenger's seat of the car. She got behind the wheel and drove home, not caring that she didn't even have her permit.
Diana brought Roger back to her house and sat him down on the couch in her family room. She then ran into the kitchen and opened the freezer. After grabbing two pints of ice cream and a pair of spoons, she returned to the family room and handed Roger one of the pints.
"Cherry Vanilla ice cream?" Roger questioned, "I thought you hated this stuff?"
"I do," Diana responded, "but it's your favorite flavor, so I always keep a pint of it in the freezer."
Roger smiled, and Diana knew in that moment they would be okay. Sure, there was a lot they needed to discuss, but that could wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow the two of them would talk about why Roger almost did what he did. They would talk about where they would go to get Roger proper help. They would talk about the dynamics of their relationship. It would be a long journey, but it would be worth it in the end. They would be okay. Roger would be okay.
