The Assistant || Severus Snape x Reader ||

Chapter 34: The Revelation

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UMMM I woke up to 10k reads!! Thank you all so much for your support! Also, how did I do on this chapter? Not sure how I feel about it...

"They didn't hurt you, did they?" 

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A very thick, almost unbearable silence filled the room. It wasn't the good kind of silence where you're just soaking up the presence of one another. This was a tension that you had NEVER experienced in your entire life. You could hear Severus' heart beat speed up in his chest, and his eyes were wide with shock. Severus looked like he wanted to either hurl or crawl away and die. He was positively panicked.

You sat up completely so you weren't laying against him anymore so you could get a better read of his face. You could tell that this was the last thing he ever would've expected you to ask. You posed your question again.

"Severus. Who is Lily?" 

He swallowed hard this time, almost like he was fighting the words trying to come out of his throat. He had about a million thoughts running rampant through his head that he couldn't even process them all. How the hell did you know about her? How did you know about the absolute biggest heartbreak of his entire life? 

"[Y/N], I..." He choked out, unable to even form a single sentence. 

His heart was having a serious internal battle right now. Here he was with the woman he currently loved, trying to talk about the only other woman he ever loved before you. Since September, he hadn't thought about Lily nearly as much as he usually did. He had begun to heal. His soul began to open up again to the outside world that had hurt him so many times before.

He had finally began to live again, to be in touch with his emotions and feelings. He should easily be able to tell you all about Lily. He should be able to explain to you who she was without feeling anything. He shouldn't be feeling this sense of loss and destruction in his chest. And yet, he still did. That's when a really, really harsh truth hit him smack in the face.

He still loved Lily.

He was frustrated with himself. Everything in his life always seemed to go back to her. Every ounce of pain and hurt and insecurity always stemmed back to one person. He never wanted to tell you about her.

He had hoped that the two of you would live out your days without any mention of Lily or who she was. Severus had a feeling that if you knew about Lily and who she was and what she meant to him, that you'd always try to compare yourself. He was afraid that if you knew that he once loved her...or for now, still loved her, that you'd have to interpret how he felt about you. The interpretation would lead to insecurity. The insecurity would always lead to doubt.

And the doubt would always lead to Lily.

It wasn't fair to you. You and Lily were worlds apart. You weren't even remotely the same person. You had different personalities, interests, and hobbies. There was no reason that you should've ever felt the need to draw any comparisons and/or differences. 

"Sev, I can tell this is hard for you. I promise you I'm not mad," You convinced him truthfully; "I would just like to know who she is." 

Severus quickly responded to that.

"Was." He corrected.

You were confused only for a second. A dark, flushing feeling coursing through you at what he was insinuating.

"Oh..." You said.

Severus wasn't prepared to have this conversation, and suddenly, neither were you. But it needed to be had, whether you were ready or not. Severus sighed heavily, before beginning his story.