ZARA

Chapter 64: cry

We went to the river. He was obviously holding something and I hated that he kept strong for me. It made me mad that he thought that was okay.

Both of us sat by the river listening the the flow the the waters below us. It was soothing and calm, kind of what Owen needed. I wanted him to think before he would have to tell me what's on his mind,
I wanted him to gather all his thoughts and words readying himself for our conversation soon to come.

I looked at him placing my hand on his shoulder slowly so I didn't scare him.
He turned looking at me and sighed at the thought that it was time to confess.
I nodded reassuring him that everything was going to be okay.

"When I uh killed Hunter, Ashley's dad... it didn't phase me at first because of how angry I was, I was more happy. When I got home knowing I was safe I finally felt like I could shut my eyes again, but when I did his face bursted into pieces all over again.. from uh- shooting him in the- in the head." He stammered trying to keep himself composed but in a blink of an eye he burst into tears

"And then the anger kind of turned into regret.. I regret all of it. And I've tried so hard not to be a pussy about it-"
"Owen you are not a pussy. Don't ever think that way about yourself." I cut him off comforting him while he continued to cry.
"Stop.. Don't ever think that, you are the strongest person I know.. and faced something terrible things and then buried it." I scooted myself in front of him as I hugged him while kneeling down and he was sitting down latching onto my lower back.

"You are so brave and amazing, and it might be tough now but you'll get through it." Seeing him cry made me want to cry. I wanted to hurt anyone that even dared to hurt him. And the only person that made that happen, was Ashley. She ruined his life.

"I just want it to stop." He sobbed in my arms
"I just want to be normal." He added

I didn't respond because if I talked I was going to burst into tears and I know I couldn't because I had to stay strong for him. Owen never puts himself first so he might be distracted at my crying and try to shift is problem away.
So instead I squeezed him tighter.

He finally dismantled his hug to look at me. He noticed my eyes were glossy before he could get a word out I interrupted him.
"Please put yourself first Owen. And stop hanging out with your trigger."
He threw me confused look at my statement.

"She is your trigger Owen. Your so focused her not killing herself but what about you? What about your thoughts?" I uttered watching him understand what I was saying.
"This isn't your fault, and when she takes fault for killing her dad that's your justice."
"But she's already suffering whats the point?" He sighed

"Every moment that bitch is free isn't suffering to me." I growled in anger

"You don't deserve that Owen and you know that. Stop giving her sympathy. You can't use your dad abusing her dead beat mommy as an accuse for accusing innocent guys of assault... nobody fucking does that." I scolded him trying to make him see what I see in her.
She is pure evil, whether her dad abused her or not.

He nodded closing his eyes, I think his biggest fear was facing his trauma and I wanted to be here with him through all of it. I love him and I don't want to see him go through this alone.

His tears finally stopped flowing out of his eyes, while I wiped the remaining ones from his face as I placed a soft kiss to his cheek.
"I love you, and I don't want to loose you." I whispered to him.

"I love you too Z." He took a deep breath out like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.
"When you talk about it.. it will get easier okay?" I stated waiting for him to respond.
And he nodded colliding our lips together.

He broke the kiss
"What would I do with out you?" He smiled at me
"I don't know but I would go suicidal with out you."
"Yea right." He laughed
I didn't say anything after.. I didn't want to make it about me. I didn't want him to worry about me.

As long as he doesn't die I will be fine.

"Why don't we get some rest, I'm drunk and tired." I yawned in exhaustion.
"Okay.." he spoke as we both stood up heading back inside.

————
We slept in the empty top bunk in his room. I snuggled with him tight. After hearing what he said today, I didn't ever want to let go. I think he was afraid to need me. He was afraid to be sad and let in emotions.

I glanced over at him every once in a while to see he hadn't closed his eyes. So neither did I. I wasn't going to sleep until he did.

I lifted my right leg onto his body shifting upwards to him. I felt him grab it holding me in place.
"Are you tired?" I whispered
"No." He said silently and firmly
"Well you have to get some rest Owen. That's how healing works." I implied talking into his neck.
"I know I just-"
" I'll be hear, I'm not going anywhere I promise." I assured cutting him off.
I wasn't going to leave his side.

"K." He sighed shutting his eyes. I placed a kiss by his neck and kept kissing him there to comfort him.
He took a long deep breath out squeezing onto my thigh.
"Zara your making my horny stop." He said silently
"Shit sorry." I smiled stopping my kisses.