𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗘𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗢𝗻𝗹𝘆 🤍

•𝗖𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗠𝗲𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗺•

•❄️•

Nikki's POV

It's been two days since the incident in the bar and I felt no better at all, still felt as disgusting as I did hours after it happened. In those two days I hadn't really left the bedroom... like at all... I only leave to use the bathroom or to sneak downstairs in the middle of the night and drink my sorrows away.

Alcohol had become my coping mechanism- it could be worse, it could be drugs so I don't really see an issue, the reason I chose alcohol is because I hope I just pass out so I don't have to suffer anymore, although it's another temporary solution it's better than nothing.

Right now, it was 2:30am and just like last night... I hadn't slept, everything in me wanted to sleep but I couldn't incase he came back. I'm in my own house but it doesn't stop the paranoia- that guy knew who I was, he knew the Crüe- he'd seen us perform live.

So it's hit me- that guy probably knows exactly where I live.

Tommy's seriously getting worried about me because I still won't talk to him, it made me feel even fucking worse- I think he's under the impression I don't love him anymore, despite me saying I do cause that's not a lie. This has nothing to do with him, I want to trust Tommy, he'd never hurt me- my brain won't listen to my heart though and allow that.

It was infuriating for me because if I told Tommy about what happened to me he'd hate me but if I don't tell him he'll hate me anyway.

From what I can gather from the things he's said to me over the last couple of days, I think he's under the impression I cheated on him... he hasn't out right said it but that's what it sounded like.

I knew I'd betrayed Tommy by allowing what happened to me... but it didn't class as cheating did it? I didn't want it...

Knowing the impression Tommy's under makes everything again, so much fucking worse. I'm hurting him but my brain didn't know how else to react. I'm shit at dealing with emotions, especially when that involves love... trauma I can kinda tolerate... well... I used to be able too but this event for some reason won't leave me alone.

Tommy deserves a medal or something for putting up with me and my emotionally troubled ass.

When the clock I'd been watching all night struck 3am, I sighed and sat up, trying and failing to ignore the uneasy feeling that washed over me when I looked around the pitch black room, the dark was a scary place for me now... I didn't know what was going to come out of it.

My hand went to the light on my bedside table turning it on letting the light illuminate the room, a small breath of relief sounded from me when I found nothing out of the ordinary.

That's so pathetic.

The way I'm acting is so fucking childish. I hated it but I just won't snap out of it. I want to get on with my life... but nothing in my head is allowing me to do that.

Everything that I've been through in my life and it's a fucking rapist that destroys me.

My legs landed on the floor and I stood up, taking my dressing gown from the back of the bedroom door, putting it on and leaving the room, I looked towards the guest bedroom door which was closed wanting myself to be able to go in there and tell Tommy it was okay to stay with me.