𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗘𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗢𝗻𝗹𝘆 🤍

•𝗜𝘁'𝗹𝗹 𝗕𝗲 𝗔𝗹𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁•

•❄️•

Tommy's POV

I was still in shock about Nikki's confession but I couldn't really show it because Nikki needed me as his shoulder to cry on- Vince told me his assumption and it was right, fuck, he was actually right... I'd remained quite ignorant of the idea but no... Vin figured it out... and fuck me it hurt to hear Nikki utter those words. The words we all dreaded.

He's so shaken and scared, vulnerable after what happened to him- I can't imagine the shit going on inside his head, it took a lot for him to admit he was raped... it was a scary thing I'm happy he finally told me.

We were still on the floor, we hadn't moved, we'd been sat here for 20 minutes now... I just ran my fingers through Nikki's hair, calming him down from his panic, assuring him that I was here for him, I really didn't want to overwhelm him so I was just being careful watching how tight I held Nikki and watching where my hands were laying, I don't want to freak him out by getting to close to areas which might spark his PTSD.

I was only touching his shoulders and hands making sure not to touch his forearm or just above his elbow, Nik was almost drifting off into a sleep but he restrained himself from giving into the exhaustion- lifting his head up from my shoulder "You alright?" I say quietly not particularly wanting to ruin the silence.

"Yeah, I'm okay... just don't wanna drift off"

I smile "You can you know, I don't mind"

"We're in Vince's bedroom... I'm not exactly jumping to fall asleep here, I don't want to explain this to him but I don't think he'd be surprised by why we're here though... will he?"

I shook my head before realizing he knew Vince suspected he was raped, my eyebrows furrowed and I asked "You know Vince suspected you were raped?"

"Yeah, he came around yesterday and he was going to ask me out right about what happened but you came in just before he could which I actually need to thank you for cause I didn't want to say it to him... I wasn't even going to tell you tonight for that matter but that obviously changed"

Ah, that reminds me... I need to ask Nikki a question "Actually, about that. What happened tonight? What made you freak out like that?"

Nikki sighed "I don't know... I mean, it was a lot of things... my anxiety was already pretty high cause I was nervous about coming here general but I was okay when sat down with you, Vince and Mick... I guess my brain was occupied thinking about what we were chatting about, I didn't have room in my head to think about him... but when Vin and Mick went outside and it was just you and me there wasn't as much to distract me... I began seeing that guy in the crowd of people, I began to hear him whispering to me and I just got flashbacks to that night again... pictured him holding me against the wall... I just had to get out of there but then as I was trying to get out the room some guy grabbed me... asking if I was who he thought I was... I was just reliving what happened to me in that bar- I panicked and ran up here... I hate being like this... so weak, so pathetic but I can't get over it and it scares me because I want to get on with my life, I want to love you and I want you to love me but I just can't"

"It'll be alright, you know that don't you?" I murmured.

"I know but it's gonna take time isn't it?... I was getting better though, it was ever so slight but it was better... tonight though, that guy grabbing on me- I don't know what happened, really... but the way he grabbed me, I just freaked out so bad... worse than I have since the actual night it happened, some days I can handle being close to people, some days I can handle people being close to me then others I can't... I just have a panic attack... I hate it... I hate it so much, especially when I freak out when it's you- I shouldn't freak like that because I know you, it hurts me when I pushed you away but I didn't know what else to do Tom and I'm sorry"