Reviews with a Flare

Loki: It's Complicated

Author: @FrostyNoMuffins

Read: chapter 1-5

Grammar.
I don't think your grammar problems distracted too much from the reading. You have some minor issues. There are possibly some run-on sentences. I do think you need to check punctuation for dialogue. There's a few instances when it's unclear where the dialogue begins and ends.

Paragraphs.
Your writing seems to be getting better as one progresses through the chapters. The first chapter was difficult to read because it felt disorganized. There were long paragraphs with an unclear main idea. However, as I continued reading, I fell into the routine of reading the longer paragraphs. I don't feel like the long paragraphs are a huge downfall in the later chapters, but they might be a bit much for the first few.
I have quite a few suggestions for your paragraphs and organization. Varying paragraph length will help the flow of your writing and changes up the pace with the action. If the action is slow, longer paragraphs. If the action is fast-paced, shorter paragraphs.
Dialogue should be separated from long paragraphs. Fast readers often skim and get most of their information from dialogue. Dialogue should always be used to propel the plot. If it's not moving the story forward, it's taking up space. If it doesn't tell us more about a character, it's not relevant. You have some good moments in there that tell us about Thor's character. However, we need more dialogue that's telling us where the story is going.

Characterization.
Since all of your characters were based on previously created characters, I'm going off of how well you represented them in your own work.
In my eyes, Loki seems like a difficult character to crack down on. Marvel did a good job of representing him in movies by keeping him mysterious. The audience was never meant to know what he was thinking. By having most of the book through his perspective, I think you chose quite a challenge for yourself. The warring battle in his head between Asgard and Midgard, his own thoughts and Thanos' invasion, and pride and comfort create a great sense of inner turmoil.
Your representation of Thor was funny and true. I love how you used dialogue to portray his character.
The only thing that concerned me was how most of the characters were portrayed almost childish. If this is meant to show how Loki perceives the Avengers, then this must be shown more. To show this, you could have more chapters in 3rd person that portray the Avengers as they truly are in a hardworking environment. Then contrast it with a chapter where Loki is insulting them consistently in his head.

Style.
Your style seems quite playful, which pairs well with these characters. The tone is sarcastic and witty. The mood contrasts well with your style and tone by being boding and dark. Loki thinks quite a lot about pain, death, and killing people. For such a witty man, he has quite a grim outlook on life.

Plot.
There's only been one major event to take place so far in five chapters. That would be when Loki was sentenced to Midguard to live with the Avengers. Smaller events help to build tension, but bigger events will need to occur soon to keep up readers' interest.
The overall conflict is unclear. At first, I thought the conflict would be that he has to live with the Avengers. However, Loki seems to be getting along peacefully with them, although somewhat strained. I am also wondering if the conflict is just mental for Loki with Thanos being in his head.

Overall, this was enjoyable as my first fan fiction read. I think you represented the characters nicely, especially Loki. There is quite a bit of work to do, but you're off to a good start!