Reviews with a Flare

Paracosm

Author: @LATiN_LiAR

Read: chapters 1-5

Grammar.
Congratulations on getting an editor! There isn't a whole lot to say on grammar. A few spelling mistakes are spotted here and there.

The punctuation got a bit confusing when Jamie was zoned out while Poppet was speaking to him in his office. Poppet's line was in italics, but there wasn't a dialogue tag. I thought that Jamie had spoken that line instead of Poppet, so I had to reread it a few times to understand.

Lastly, there was a switch in tenses during the same chapter when Jamie visits Poppet's office. While everything else was written in past tense, there was a paragraph written in present tense. It's the paragraph where Jamie is thinks about whether he's been in Poppet's office before.

Paragraphs.
This was a really quick read for me. I really enjoyed it. I think your short paragraphs go along well with the action.

However, you might want to consider longer paragraphs when describing the supernatural elements of Jamie's powers. Your readers seem interested in the powers and world you've created. Longer paragraphs for detailing how the magic works and affects Jamie could be beneficial.

Characterization.
Jamie is captivating as a character! I love all of his faults, insecurities, and awkwardness. He's so relatable as a character that I kept thinking I was in one of my friend's head. Jamie is great as a narrator too. The first chapter kind of reminded me of the opening to Tangled when Flynn Rider introduced the story. Love it!

Poppet is intriguing as a character. I'm so curious as to why he has holes in his palms. There's so many little tidbits of information about him. I like that you don't give away all of the details at once. Is he a living puppet? I know there was something in there about him having clay hands. I need to know what his eyes look then! Are they glass or clay as well?

Style.
Your style makes for a fun read! The chapters are quick. The action packs a punch. Everything is so fast-paced. It is going to make everyone with an ADHD brain happy! It followed my pace of thinking, which doesn't happen often.

The tone matches Jamie's personality so well. Informal. Sarcastic. Witty. Quick.

The mood feels like this constant panic and overwhelming pressure. Jamie let's readers know there's this foreboding presence over him when it comes to responsibility. It makes sense when we take into consideration that he's expected to become a savior overnight.

Plot.
I enjoyed the descriptors for Poppet's office. I could envision Poppet's office well because Jamie summed up Poppet's style. This also helped me to visualize Jamie's office since they're similar. However, the building as a whole was confusing. I don't understand how Jamie has been working in the building for so long and not seen Poppet's door or office? Is it that large of a building or is he not allowed in certain areas?

The conflict seems like it's headed in the direction of Jamie needing to save the world. Since there's also the talk of a war at the beginning of the book, that's also going to be in the back of the reader's mind. Although when reading the blurb, you mention an animated world that he's transported to. I think mentioning that at the beginning of the book could be beneficial unless no one's aware of it beforehand.

Overall, I felt really excited while reading this book. It's pace and style really make for a quick and fun read. Due to the narration, it also feels like the main character, Jamie, is befriending the reader while telling the story. All of these elements are working so well together. I'm excited for you to continue on with your work, especially with an editor to help you out!