Reviews with a Flare

Valence

Author: Aayra2103

Grammar.
Although the author has stated they don't feel too confident with grammar, the first five chapters look fairly polished. I noticed a few slight errors, missing words, and misused words. There wasn't a glaring number of mistakes that distracted from reading.

However, sentence variation could be improved upon. A lot of the sentences were long. Sometimes there was an overabundance of irrelevant setting description. The reader doesn't need to know about everything, only what affects the action. If there's a clock on the nightstand and it's not used, the reader doesn't care. If there's a clock on the nightstand and the character uses it to bash someone's head in, then it's going to matter to the reader.

Paragraphs.
The separation of dialogue and action makes the scenes with two characters very readable. Even the separation of Brielle's inner dialogue creates a quick and witty dynamic.

Characterization.
Since I've only read the first five edited chapters, there's not too much to say about characterization yet. Brielle is somewhat one-dimensional at this point. This could be a utilized to display how deeply her sorrow goes. Depression and sorrow can cause someone to lose parts of their personality.

However, her lack in dimension can make it hard for readers to identify with her. So far, the only things represented are her sorrow for her parents and her resentment at the situation. She expresses determination for answers, but that quality is also swallowed in the overwhelming narrative of how much she hates Ace.

Brielle needs more depth as a character. Her defining characteristic can't be dependent upon Ace or other characters. Her flashbacks and thoughts of her parents can help the reader to identify with her and get to know Brielle. When she reflects, bring out a new quality in her or show what her parents taught her. Maybe she remembers a time she got angry and her mother taught her compassion. Maybe she remembers a time she fought with her brother and her father taught her compromise. Then she can use those qualities and characteristics to work out the problems before her.

Style.
I really like that she uses "zhompha" as her go to insult, especially since some of the other characters don't know what it means.

There's a definite tone of sarcasm and forced comedy. Brielle has a funny inner dialogue when she goes back and forth with herself. However, a lot of the same material is repeated. When she calls Ace a "zhompha" three times in a row, the joke loses its luster.

For the first two chapters, the sorrowful mood was strong and followed Brielle. After the kidnapping, we lose quite a bit of that mood despite her reflecting on the bracelet when she wakes up. If she was quite close with her parents, it would make sense that she would probably experience grief overtake her at the most inconvenient of times.

Plot.
The readers are thrown right into the conflict at the beginning. Lots of questions about the situation keep up the pace and interest. There's a lot of well-planned elements working together to create a compelling story.

There weren't too many major plot points in the first five chapters, but there was a lot of conflict. Each conflict builds upon the previous one. Going from a funeral to a kidnapping to a new universe. Brielle just can't catch a break!

When it comes to setting, it's a matter of preference and style. There's a significant amount of detail in each setting. I think the character's reaction pairs well with the details too. When there's more description, Brielle seems more overwhelmed and confused. She walks the reader along that journey with her by showing there's too much stimuli to process.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading Valence. I'd love to read and review the rest of it once it's edited and revised.