The Undivulged Son

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First, I would like to thank Egwuji for being the first user to take a chance on me! Let's dive in!

For any readers, I don't plan on releasing any big spoilers. If you're a stickler about those kind of things, stop reading before you hit the Plot section.

𝔽𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕀𝕞𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤
First impressions aren't always correct, but they provide insight to how other readers may approach your book. My first impression is also partially gathered from the information given in the form. Egwuji answered their strength is writing descriptions, and their struggle is character's thoughts.

Let me tell you, I'm always worried when someone tells me they're good at descriptions. I was the kid in high school that skipped to the end of Great Expectations, because Charles Dickens wanted to spend a whole chapter describing a cemetery. That won't be the case with The Undivulged Son.

Even without the author's answer, I could tell that there's almost a painstaking effort put into describing the setting. The word choice alone pushes the scenery into a sense of reality for the reader. Egwuji makes the reader feel like they're uncomfortably present in hell. I felt like I was walking down the hallways with this little kid who's padding around barefoot in hell!

𝔾𝕣𝕒𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣
There's a few discrepancies when it comes to grammar. The first chapter "3, 2, 1... Action" brings in the element of character's thoughts. Sometimes the thoughts by the character don't match the tense of the action. Some of the sentences are missing verbs. I noticed most of the grammar mistakes in the first three chapters. After the first three, there's few mistakes.

However, the grammar issues don't distract from the story. I don't know what draft The Undivulged Son is on. From the semi-polished look on just grammar alone, I would guess Egwuji has made one or two good editing passes on their work.

I would suggest going into the chapters with a fine-toothed comb this time. The blurb could use a bit of grammar help too. Otherwise, I think this blurb is a lot better than some of the ones I've seen on Wattpad.

ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕙𝕤
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Those are some readable paragraphs. Beautiful separation of dialogue and action. I didn't find myself struggling to figure out who was talking. Egwuji does an amazing job of making it effortless to read The Undivulged Son. This is a good thing that all writers should strive for in their work.

I was also impressed because Egwuji opted out of a lot of dialogue tags. Readers naturally skip over most dialogue tags, so their absence makes for faster reading. The great thing is we can still tell which character is speaking.

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟
The dynamic between Ian and Ted works really well. They have opposing values. My favorite part is the irony that Ted is more devilish than the devil's son himself.

However, our first introduction to Ted is uncomfortable. At first, he's almost bland on his own as a character. He's the classic, cocky, pretty boy who can't get enough of sex. He happens to be an actor and stereotypically conceited. Despite the cliches, I appreciate that Egwuji sticks true to Ted's characteristics even when a potential daughter is mentioned. It's believable when the reader watches how Ted never falters from satisfying his own selfish desires.

My number one critique would be to opt out of most of Ted's thoughts in italics. A lot of Ted's inner dialogue doesn't contribute to the scene. His type is recognizable from a mile away, and the inner thoughts don't provide any new information.

The saving grace of Ted is when we begin to see Ian's point of view. Ian is a dynamic character with an unpredictability that excites the reader. He's a walking contradiction. The devil's son turned savior of the human race. His instincts and familial obligation ask him to do the vindictive thing. His mother's absence and loss of a friend tug on his heartstrings and sense of humanity.

𝕊𝕥𝕪𝕝𝕖
Something I noticed early on was Egwuji's word choice and phrasing. I love the word play on the subjects of heaven and hell throughout each chapter. There's little Easter eggs hidden in the most mundane things. For instance, the club that Ted goes to is called Sinners. It's subtle and clever.

I would suggest running the chapters through an editor. There are certain phrases that are repeated several times. I believe I noticed the phrase "like a bomb" used several times in two back to back chapters. It's good to mix the wording and phrases up so the reader conjures new imagery in their brain with each new chapter.

The imagery is very precise in The Undivulged Son. It plays a big role in creating the atmosphere of hell. However, the same attention to detail used for hell is also used for the talk show and the first floor of Ted's house. I would tone down the detail on mundane settings. Even if the description of a character's surroundings is vague, readers can fill in the holes. Sometimes readers even appreciate having things left up to their own imagination. Then you're allowing them to participate within the novel.

ℙ𝕝𝕠𝕥
The prologue threw me for a loop. I love when readers are thrown into the action right away. Plus, the prologue is a defining moment for our main character. The scene between Ian and the woman being tortured sets up the inner and outer conflict for Ian so well!

The jump from the prologue to the first chapter is a bit jarring. I'm still trying to figure out whether I like that or not. I respect the jump though. It's a great juxtaposition between hell and the mundane.

My favorite thing was when Ian's perspective was introduced. I learned a lot more from him about the situation. The overarching conflict is also more apparent from Ian's perspective.

I like that the rising action consists of Ian overcoming a series of pranks set up by his brother. Since Ian is the odd family member out, it almost feels like he's going through a bunch of tests to prove his strength and willpower.

This plot section is to be continued, but I wanted to post this before the weekend gets too hectic! I'll definitely be reading more of The Undivulged Son. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a new take on the realm of gods, the afterlife, and the like.

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