Reviews with a Flare

The Ager

Author: @kimberly_rash

Read: prologue, chapters 1-5

Grammar.
While the story is readable, there's quite a few glaring grammar mistakes. There's the misuse of "you're" in the first sentence of the first chapter. Capitalization is all over the place, especially with dialogue tags. I also saw a random "F" in the middle of a sentence (might've been chapter 2).

Paragraphs.
To be honest, I'm drawing a blank for a lot of these sections. "The Ager" was a quick and easy read, but I don't think that's to your advantage. Although the story progresses quickly, I felt like I was missing such huge chunks of time and information.

Your problems don't lie in readability. Each paragraph seems to have a main idea. Dialogue is separated from the action. Everything is organized chronologically.

The real problem lies in a lack of investment. There's long paragraphs, but most of it is action. The readers don't know a lot about your characters or setting. We're even missing a whole year between when Chico was abducted to the present time. You need to weave in details about this world within the action.

Characterization.
I really want to know more about these characters, but I don't have a lot to go on. This section is going to be short too.

Chico should be the reader's main concern because he was abducted. As soon as we meet this character, we lose him. We don't form an attachment to him. We don't know what he looks like. We don't know his personality. He just vanishes.

Michael is our main character, but we don't know him either. His character right now is depression, dead parents, and "nerdy" hobbies. I saw another reader catch the same thing I did during chapter 4. Who does he live with if he's in high school and his parents passed? If he does live with someone, why haven't we met them yet? Why didn't they come to the door when the police showed up?

Style.
I love the inserts that you put in this book. A lot of readers agree that the flier is a nice touch. Personally, the bloody red note was my favorite. I think a lot of people on Wattpad overdo inserts and pictures, but you have a good balance. This is part of your style and we all want to see more of it.

The things that can help you fine tune your style are word choice and sentence length. Word choice in the horror genre is paramount. Right now, your word choice is rudimentary. Your readers need to feel goosebumps from your word choice. They also need to be guided through the action. Varying your sentences changes the pace of the story!

Plot.
Due to the length of your chapters, I feel like I only have one chapter's worth of information. While I'm reading, I imagine the whole setting to be overcast and rainy, but it's not mentioned. I also can't tell what kind of town Michael lives in. Is it rich or poor? Suburban or urban?

Keeping the conflict and villain in a horror novel can add to the suspense, but I still feel like there's a lot missing. At first the conflict was that Chico was abducted. Then that's solved too quickly by Michael finding out Chico's actually dead. Now I'm not sure what the conflict is supposed to be. Michael has a few other major conflicts like bullying and the loss of his parents.

Overall, I'm interested to see how you pursue this novel. The concept is interesting and spooky. However, I didn't feel invested as a reader because there was a lot of information missing. There's so much more to your characters and plot, but it's not being given to your readers.