Reviews with a Flare

Time of Affliction

Author: @CptTBone13

Read: chapter 0-4

Side note, I love that you have a Chapter 0. I used to always include a Chapter 0 in my writing because of a friend who wanted everything to start on an even number.

Grammar.
How many passes have you made on this? I'm super impressed. Everything looks so polished. Few spelling errors. Punctuation is on point. Sentence structure is superb and changes up to keep us interested!

There was just one sentence that bothered me through the whole read. That would be the first sentence. I had to read it ten times and still didn't understand what it meant. I felt like there was something missing. It's not as strong of a hook as I know that you could create. Other than that one sentence, everything else was stellar!

Paragraphs.
We're going to fly through this section because I love your paragraphs too! I think all of your readers can agree that your writing keeps us interested. There's sentence length variety. Dialogue is readable. Action is communicated clearly. Readability is so important and you nailed it!

Characterization.
I am strapped in and ready for a big character arc in Bob. You best deliver because I'm gonna be back in these reviews! I'm not gonna lie that Bob is depressing in these first few chapters. For this, I am entirely grateful. It's so abnormal when writers create characters who don't go through the emotions of loss and isolation. Thank you for including this stage of grief for your character. I know so many people are going to identify with his loss and feel represented.

Style.
Your writing style is my favorite to find in books! It's quick, witty, and similar to how my brain functions. I feel like this style most represents how a lot of people would narrate their life if they had to.

Another thing that was impressive was your word choice! I know I wouldn't have thought of name you came up for T.I.M.E M.A.C.H.I.N.E. If the world ever builds one, the scientists should definitely use the name you came up with. I'm utterly convinced there's not a better name for it.

When it comes to the mood and tone, I feel like these two elements mirror Bob well. Since he's depressed, his tone can be bland and almost emotionless when he's observing the world. I absolutely adore how his tone flips on its head when he looks at Emma. The readers can truly tell that he's in love because his language brightens in the narration when the subject surrounds her.

Plot.
You've explained the setting so well and all without overwhelming the reader with details too! I feel like I'm starting to create a map in my head of this city. It's exciting to know where each of the settings are in relation to one another. As a reader, I'm already wondering if this means there might be something that happens or spreads citywide later on.

On the subject of conflict, I love how you jumped right into it. Part of me wishes we didn't know that his mother passed away during the first chapter though. I think the impact would be bigger if we were surprised by that factor. You're also doing a really good job of setting up for the next stage of conflicts where Bob works on the time machine.

Overall, you've done beautiful work. I look forward to continuing this read! I'm super impressed with your skills as a writer. Definitely keep in touch and keep me updated!