Reviews with a Flare

Undivulged Academy

Author: @Egwuji

Read: prologue and first 5 chapters

Grammar.
There were a few grammar mistakes, misspelled words, or just words in the wrong place. Some chapters seem to be more edited than others. The prologue and first two chapters were fine-tuned.

Compared to your first book, I think Undivulged Academy shows stronger writing. Your sentences vary more during action. The action is written smoothly. Some of the descriptive paragraphs tend to be on the lengthy side.

Paragraphs.
I'm really digging your newer writing. Paragraphs have one clear idea and express what they need to, which makes for easy reading. Dialogue is readable and has much more humor than the first book.

Characterization.
You do a really good job of distinguishing a voice between each of the point of views. One thing that was confusing is in your first book, I think one of the main character's names was Scott as well? Is that done on purpose? It made things a bit confusing when I first saw the name.

Right of the bat, anyone who read the first book is just as happy to see Ian again. Even without reading the first book, readers can tell that he's grown as a character. He's comfortable and sure of himself. It's the perfect recipe for readers to fall in love with a character and care about their journey.

Albazar plays his role really well as the opposite of Ian. His characteristics clash well with Ian's. He's anxious and hesitant to trust, which he should be after losing his powers.

Scott rounds things out nicely for this trio. He has a bit of both brother's characteristics in him so he both complements and clashes. Also, his introduction was unlike anything I've ever read and it made me laugh. It was so bold and raunchy, but so real at the same time. I believed this could happen. That's the best mindset you can put your readers in.

Style.
Your style really shines true in this book. I can really tell that you let the story speak. In the previous book, a lot of the beautiful vocabulary seemed forced. In this book, everything flows naturally.

The tone is playful and sarcastic. Love it to bits. Your tone makes the writing really fun to read.

The mood contrasts with the tone so hard. You've got this light-hearted air about the writing, but lying underneath ready to bite is the impending doom. Readers can tell there's something coming. Albazar is already worried. Ian seems to try and hide it. Scott is the catalyst for everything to set in motion.

Plot.
I would live at the Undivulged Academy. Although, I honestly can't imagine what several castles sitting next to each other looks like or how expensive that is. As you did in the first book, you're very detailed when it comes to setting. I feel like I'm looking through the character's eyes when I read your descriptions.

Starting small with the conflict creates great build-up to the finale. The conflict when Ian and Albazar rescued Scott really pertains well to the plot. I'm not sure how the painting ties in with the plot yet, but I hope it's explained later. It's good to see the recruits in action and on missions.

Overall, I can see that your writing from book one to two has improved greatly. I think I prefer the plot of this book to the first because the elements are simplified. We have the home base as the academy. Conflict as Dracula. Then our resistant hero, Scott. It's a wonderful group of elements to create an exciting plot.