Possession

55- Regrets and Forgiveness

I looked at his pleading gaze, unable to give an answer to him. I could see the sincerity in his eyes and his begging attempts to shorten the distance that I had created after getting his betrayal. 

I looked away for a second before gathering the courage and my eyes came back to him, "I... I understand that you have been trying to come close to me, Liam. Really... I see that you try to do everything to come close to me at every chance but..." I gulped down and sighed as sadness covered my words, "I am also trying. It was never easy for me to see you in front of my eyes every day and walk away but every time I look at you, I don't feel anything else but fear."

Liam's eyes moved away from me, his feet shifting from one to another a bit as I felt him getting uncomfortable at my statement. His face had darkened and I could see him trying to control his wolf and keep it calm. But thankfully he did not stop me from talking. 

"Liam, look at me," I whispered at turned his face towards mine.  I needed him to believe that everything I was saying came from my heart. I did not want to hurt him, but I could not lie either.

His gaze did not turn to me, although his hands were holding mine in a tight grasp, his eyes were looking in far distance sideways. I lifted my hand and put it on the side of his face, turning it to me, 

"You did what your heart wanted. I can not blame you for going after what you desired for so long and then not wanting to leave it when it was right in your hands. Perhaps... perhaps you did not want anything else in that moment or your feelings towards me were not as strong as they should have been."

"That is not..." Liam instantly spoke out but I shook my head and stopped him, 

"Let me finish, alright? I do not think I will be able to say it ever again but today I am going to tell you everything that is in my heart that I have been suppressing since the day you chose your engagement over me."

He looked hesitant and frustrated but he nodded his head in acceptance. His face had turned a bit red and I knew he was feeling ashamed as well as the fear that I was going to leave him. I knew him. I knew how his heart worked and I knew how much it was hurting him because it hurt my heart as well. But he would never know the pain I had felt for months until I tell him. It was time to face the reality, for both of us.

"You tried to get back with me two times and each time I was betrayed by you brutally. Just imagine the pain I had felt I found out you were engaged, and then you got back with me only to betray again and marry that person in front of my eyes. I just can not forget that how easy it was for you to leave me and walk away. Every time I look at you, and my feelings towards you change from fear to love, I back down again because I am afraid that when you can do that to me two times, it will not be hard for you to do it again."

Liam was facing me but his head was dropped low, hiding from me. As I stopped speaking, he took a few moments before I saw his eyes that had tears in them. I felt hurt at seeing his eyes filled with tears. I had never seen him cry. It was so hard for me to control myself from crossing the distance of one step to him and hug, try to take away the pain I had inflicted myself. 

"Eva," his voice was rough, "I am no longer going to give the excuse of being under influence or being under the greed of alpha position. I know it was both of them that brought me to see this day, to leave you behind. But I am trying to rectify that. I am accepting that every little bit of that happened was my fault. It was my fault for leaving you, for making the choices I foolishly made, and then accepting everything that came to me. But I promise that I will not do it ever again. I know I don't have anything without you in my life. I am nothing without you and Rush. I don't want to lose this love between us."