Racing Desires

41. No

Kiara's POV:

The "No", of Dean keeps echoing in my head. I knew it was a stupid question to ask in the first place, but how do I react to this? He broke my heart in the first place, I can't go ahead and comfort him now over a possible heartbreak with Nadine.

Damn why did I ask? Couldn't I have just left it? Bitch that's what you get for being concerned about your ex in the first place. Well damn. Before I can say anything Dean gets up and walks to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Well I guess that saves me asking any further questions. I mean if he had really wanted to talk about it, he could have just said more than just a no. Right? Would I have said more? Guess not. But the fuck, why am I fussing about him being upset? Not ok? Or whatever.

He hurt me in the worst kind of way and I feel broken every single day. I'm not living, I'm only barely surviving at the moment. Everytime I see him, I feel like being shattered into even more pieces. Every single bit of my heart and soul is crunched to the core and in pain.

And him and Nadine just rub that pain further and further into me every time I see them. Any time I see them touch, his arm wrap around her or worst when I see them kiss.

It's so bad it's physically affecting me, my bloodpressure is off, I feel nauseous, I can't sleep and there's just so much pain I can barely handle. So why do I feel sorry for him? I just wish it would all go away, the pain, the feelings, everything.

Honestly I wish I had an on and off button to feelings, just like Stefan uses his on off button in the Vampire Diaries.

Tired I lean down on the seats and close my eyes, with the coolpack against my head. Luckily the stewardess was able to provide me with a coolpack. No matter how tired I am, I'm not going into that cabin, the seats will do me just fine. And if I manage to sleep, it would mean I don't need to worry about awkward silence or having to talk to Dean, who by the way is spending a long time in that bathroom. Not that I care.

I wake up to someone telling me I need to fasten my seatbelt. What the fuck? I nearly slept five hours, well at least saved me a lot of awkward time. If I can keep it up like that, the weekend might not be too bad. Meeting, maybe eat and drink, definitely party, plenty booze and the rest of the time I'll simply sleep.

Opening my eyes I see Dean's eyes lingering on me.

"Did you hear Kar, you need to fasten your seatbelt", I simply give him a nod and start fastening the seatbelt. Which reminds me of our first trip when I didn't know how to buckle it up. But Dean tears me out of my thoughts. "Are you ok? You slept nearly during the whole flight."

"Guess I've just slept too little lately", I shrug and try not to show him, how much his voice affects me.

Dean ruffles his hair, sighs and then softly answers. "Know that feeling."

Alright I'm not going to question this, because I'm nearly sure I don't want to know the answer. By the marks on his face, I guess he did the same as I did and slept at least partially during the flight.

"Did you read into what we need to talk about in our presentation today?"

"Sure I made it."

"Right", he palms his face and I'm nearly sure he's calling himself an idiot in his head right now. "So you're prepared or should we talk about it beforehand? We could have a short lunch and talk it over."

"Nope, I'm fine. I'll stick to the plan Gina sent me", sure as hell I'm not spending lunch with him.

Another sigh falls from Dean's lips and we fall into an awkward silence again. It doesn't change on our way to the hotel either. Once we have our room cards I head straight to the elevator, apparently not fast enough as Dean pushes in too.