Racing Desires

54. Old room

Dean's POV:

During the last couple of weeks I've spent most nights in the hospital, but having Kiara back in my bed, in my arms, is something completely different. Feeling her body pressed against mine like this, without any nurse walking in on us any second and without barriers feels better than ever before.

Knowing I could have lost her. knowing I actually had lost her for a short while, makes me realize even more how important she has become to me. My nose dips into her hair, taking in her very own addicting fragrance. Watching her sleep peacefully is a great pleasure to me, especially knowing how little calm sleep she gets. Last night she only woke up twice from the nightmares haunting her, which is way less than the average nights. Those cries and screams often even haunt me in my own dreams and the pictures of what they did to her.

Gently I pick up one of her beautiful ginger coloured hair strands and place it behind her ear, just to get a better view of her beautiful face. For a whole while I simply watch her sleep until the urge to place a gentle kiss on her lips gets too big. Her eyes start fluttering and a breathtaking smile appears upon her lips while she humms in contentment.

It's surprising how amazing and intense it can be just too look in each others eyes reading all the emotions in it, without saying a word. I could look at Kiara like this for hours and never get fed up of it.

No idea how I managed to survive those weeks where we were seperated. Every morning I woke up, I felt like smashing my phone against the wall just like Kiara would usually be. Getting up meant another day without her. Another day pretending I didn't care. Another day dealing the fact she was so close and yet so far. Another day my heart was breaking a little more. Another day which would be simply unbearable without her.

And now she's here in my arms, in my bed, smiling at me. I understand she was afraid of coming back here, I really do understand she wants to start new. To me this means so much more though. It means we're not starting new as strangers, but we're picking up the past and working past the whole shit which has happend together. She's really come back to me and not avoiding things.

I know she had our break up in mind, even if it didn't happen exactly in here. But here's the place I left her alone each and every single evening during that time. Here she recieved the message, it was here she shed so many tears because of me. And it was here I tried to push her away again and again by picking random fights on her. And every single time I did that, it broke me too.

Soon we're going to have our new home, but when we move in there I want to move in there with her in a happy way. And not because we're running from this place and the memories that come with it. We've spoken so much in the last couple of weeks, but it's different in hospital than actually being back at home.

"What's on your mind?", she asks me while her hand draws slight circles on my chest.

"Just how happy I am to have you back home", I reply pulling her a little closer.

"Uhm can you help me get into the shower?", she averts her gaze and I know how uncomfortable she still feels about the fact she can't go and shower by herself at the moment.

"Sure Honey, hey it's not much different than before. We always showered together."

"Yes but now you have to help me by taking my wheelchair in and out of the shower area while I sit on some stupid chair", she huffs and moves to her wheelchair. I know she wants to go for a pee first and brush her teeth and deal with the situation for a couple of minutes by herself and I let her. No idea what I would do in her situation but I think she's dealing better with this than I ever could.

After a couple of minutes I join her, she's already taken the orthosis off and is only sitting there in her thong. This might not be the right moment, but god does she look hot. I decide to carry her into the shower bridal style, perhaps it helps a little that she doesn't have to roll into the shower.