Racing Desires

60. Patience

Dean's POV:

Alright I'll admit to myself when it comes down to Kiara I might not be the tough guy which I'm usually during my work. And with her I definitely lose control again and again which never used to happen. Right now I'm losing control again and it's not just because of her, but our babies too.

It's too damn early, six weeks too early. They'll be too light, might not be able to breathe yet properly and totally fragile. They might need an incubator, Hayley and I had to go into one after birth. What if their hearts are weak? No the doc said their hearts were fine. But I mean two days ago, he also said everything was ok.

So if he didn't see the birth coming, he might have not seen something else either? What if the pain gets too much for Kiara? She's been through so much pain already. I can't bear to see her in pain again. And it's going to be my fault again, yep this pain is definitely my fault. I fucked her, I got her pregnant, so this is my god damn fault.

"Are you ok, Honey?", what a stupid question Dean, she's squeezing the life out of your hand due to labour pains.

"Dean, can you fucking stop asking me this, every two minutes?", she yells over the pain. "Jeez I'm in labour not dying!

"Scream at me, I don't mind. Let it out Kar, it relieves the pain", that's what they told me anyway, but maybe it was a lie. With my free hand I gently stroke her forehead with a damp cloth, taking the sweat beads away and cooling her a little. Do I need to cool her? It's only just turned February. What if she gets too cold and doesn't tell me? But the midwife told me to do just that.

"The only reason I'm screaming at you, is because you're wrecking my nerves right now. So calm the fuck down."

Kiara's been in labour for 18 hours now and we're no where near close to the end according to the midwife and the doc. How can a woman even endure this? How can they even have more than one child if they've been through this once already? I swear women are crazy.

The moment Kiara's water broke yesterday afternoon, I was out of my mind. This is the reason I wanted her to have her phone on her 24/7. The last four weeks I even wanted to stay at home and work from home, but Kiara insisted I was being foolish and should go to work. Damn was she furious, I wouldn't let her work at the company building.

For a moment I did consider it, thinking about having her table set up in my office so I could keep an eye on her personally. Then I realized at home she could lie down in between. A bed in the office would have been the other option or a sleeping couch. She has no idea, I put up security cameras, just to make sure she's alright. If she ever finds out, I'm dead that's for sure. But the cameras aren't everywhere and there's no sound to it, so I decided to call her in between. My timer was set on every half an hour. Better safe than sorry, right?

Maybe, but just maybe, I did go a little over the top. But who could blame me after all we went through? Tyler definitely called me crazy when he put up all the security system including the cameras. The only place I didn't want any, was in the bedroom and bathroom. I mean I trust Tyler, but he has access to my security system and I sure don't want him to see her naked.

Then again, we've had sex in about every single room of that house, if he did check it he would have seen her anyway. I'll kill him if he checks in on any of that.

God I'm so glad I was there, when her water broke yesterday. What would have happend if she had been on her own? Her phone was on the upper floor in our small library.

"Dean", fingers snap in front of my eyes and I hear Kiara's annoyed voice.

"Sorry what?", in my worries I totally snapped out of it.