Again -n.h-

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Later that night, Maura orders Chinese food and gets the kids excited. Even Sydney, who hasn't been able to eat very much food gets excited and that makes my heart leap in happiness.

"You're going to eat, right?" Niall asks softly, his voice low so that the kids don't hear. He stands behind me with his hands on my hips.

"I'm not hungry," I mumble as I finish off drying the dishes. My appetite has been at an all time low, and it's been frustrating but with everything going on, I can't seem to eat.

"Jessica, you're losing weight."

"I'm fine."

Niall sighs, placing his lips on my cheeks, "I know it's been hard, and I'm sorry."

"Not right now, not when the kids are here," I say as I pull away from him to put the dishes back into the cabinets. I can feel Maura's eyes on us and that makes this much more awful then it is.

She's disappointed in the both of us, I know she is, but I have to prioritize the kids. I can't let them hear our arguments again.

By the nine in the evening, Maura has finally left and all of the kids are in bed. I am switching into a shirt of Niall's before sitting down on the bed with an exhausted sigh. Raising the shirt to my nose, I take in his scent.

Niall walks out of the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth. When his eyes focus on what I'm doing, I see them soften. He's right in front of me but yet he feels as if he's a million kilometers away.

"Come take another bath with me," he says after taking the toothbrush out of his mouth and walking towards me. He grabs my hand and I let him pull me towards the bathtub.

He puts his toothbrush on the counter and grabs the edges of my shirt, telling me to raise my arms. I do, and let him take off the white shirt. Then, I notice he already filled the bathtub with water, as if he knew I was going to say yes to him.

His hands find my underwear and slowly push it down onto the tile floor. He takes his own sweat pants and underwear off before stepping into the bathtub.

I follow him, and watch as he lays down. He's taller than the bathtub himself, so his knees are raised above the water, but the sight makes me smile slightly.

"Come on," he says softly before I step in between his legs. I lower myself onto him, my front touching his.

My elbows place themselves onto his chest so I can support myself, and I can't help but look at him. Really look at him.

He looks just as tired as I am, the wrinkles on his face are starting to show up, but his blue eyes are still as bright as ever. One of his hands tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and then cups my cheek.

We just stare at one another, nothing is said and the only sound that echos through the bathroom is the sound of the water when I slightly move.

He's taking me in, all of me.

I love this man so much, but he hurts me so much. That thought makes my eyes water, and he lets a sigh escape his lips.

"Don't cry," he says, "I've seen you cry enough."

"Then don't hurt me," I whisper.

"I knew I was in love with you the second I kissed you in that hospital bed. Then you literally had to break my heart and tell me that you weren't sure this is what you wanted," Niall says softly, his thumb tracing my cheek. I feel a smile tug on my lips at the memory of me getting hit by a car and waking up in a hospital bed, only for him to kiss me.

"That was a really long time ago," I say.

A soft chuckle escapes his chest, "I got you to move to London with the guys and I. We were close and then shit hit the fan. I told you I'd never hurt you like that again, but i have broken that promise too many times."

I lean down, placing my head against his chest, in the crook of his neck so that he doesn't see my tears. One side of my face is now laying in the water, but I don't mind.

His heart is beating erratically.

"Yeah, you have," I mumble.

"And I'm an asshole for it. I should have talked to you, communicated with you and the kids. I should have listened to what you wanted and it really sunk in that I suck at communicating."

I laugh but quickly cover my mouth with one of my hands.

"I promise, that I am completely and utterly in love with you. You're my world, the kids are my world. I don't know why Josie is so obsessed with me, but she's a friend of mine, Jess."

I let a shaky sigh escape my lips, "If she's a friend, I'm okay with that. I know people can change but I don't want her around me nor the kids, Niall. She hurt me eighteen years ago and now."

"Let me make it up to you," Niall whispers, "I should be defending you and respecting your boundaries. I haven't, so Jess, please let me make it up to you."

I sit up, causing him to do the same thing. So, I press my lips against his, cupping his cheek and moving my lips against his. His hands grab my lower back, pushing me closer.

This isn't him trying to have sex with me, this isn't him wanting to get laid or thinking that I want it.

This is him pulling me closer and kissing me passionately because for so long we have been so far apart physically and emotionally.