Again -n.h-

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Niall, I don't know if I can do this."

Niall chuckles, his hands placed on my hips as we both look down at the blue water beneath us. We are standing on a rock, and are minutes away from jumping into the blue water.

I don't even know how high up we are, but it's high.

"Lets jump together," Niall says softly, his mouth hovering next to my ear and his hands slightly squeezing my hips.

In reality, I would love to jump from this cliff down onto the water but I don't know if I should. This morning, I took the pregnancy test that I have been dreading to take. Niall never told me where he was going to take me, just that I needed my bikini.

"Niall, wait," I whisper as I turn around as place my hands on each side of his neck.

His blue eyes meet mine, and there is a faint smile hovering over his lips. This is the first time I've seen him act free in the last year and a half, the first time we have felt like one. I don't want to ruin the moment but I can't keep this from him any longer than I want to.

"Jess," Niall says softly, urging me to start talking.

"I'm pregnant."

The smile on his face drops and he lets go of my hips, taking a couple of steps back. There are mixed emotions in his eyes and I can't help but feel my heart drop down into my stomach when I watch him sigh. It's not a sigh of excitement, it's the sigh of disappointment.

"Niall," I whisper softly.

"Babe, I don't know if I could handle another —"

"I can't either, okay? We'll go to the doctor the second we're back in London and I will delete all social media —"

"I don't want you to quit your life to bring life into this world, Jess," Niall whispers after walking back towards me, pulling me into his chest, "I don't want to watch you break down if there's another miscarriage."

"Lets just see," I whisper. "I don't want to give up. I want to try."

The doorbell pulls me out of my thoughts, and I immediately get up from the couch and walk towards it. When I open the door, I see Damien and send him a smile. He walks into the house after I open the door, and asks if it's okay for him to go upstairs.

I nod and watch him walk up the stairs with a faint smile on his face.

Locking the door, I sit back down on the couch and let a sigh escape my mouth. Sydney is currently the only one home, everyone else are at their friends homes.

I haven't seen Sydney hang out with any of her friends lately, and when I questioned her about it, all she did was shrug. She said that she sees them enough at school and that Damien is too important to not see him.

I didn't object. I felt the same way when Niall and I started seeing each other.

Niall.

I haven't talked to him in three days. His promise was never kept, and I have gotten to the point where I don't even bother opening my social media. Being without him is hard, but it's even harder when he doesn't seem to make the time to talk.

I haven't eaten in a day. I'm not hungry and I don't know if it's because of Niall or from the last time I talked to Josie. When she called me on her personal cell phone number to tell me that Niall was drunk and hitting on her.

I don't think it's true, but with the lack of communication, I can't tell what's true or not. All I can do is take care of the kids and hope that their father hasn't forgotten about them. I know they'd be so hurt, so hurt if that were to happen.

The front door opens, revealing Maura. She smiles when she sees me, but then her face falls and I realize that I probably look like a mess. The puffy eyes, the tear stained cheeks and the greasy hair.

I'm back to feeling insecure, not eating, and at the same time I am taking care of the kids.

I need Niall.

"Oh, honey," she whispers as she walks over to me. "What does my son continue to do to you?"

I shrug, feeling my eyes fill with tears before bursting out in cries.

I really fucking need him.

______________________

Short update but It's been so busy... at least it's something lol

Hope y'all like it ❤️