Again -n.h-

Chapter 29- NIALL'S POV

Chapter 29- Niall's POV

"Thanks, Mum," I say softly, pulling her in a hug.

"When Jessica is back, you better make all this stuff up to her. You both have done wrong things, but you made her go through this for a second time. Don't mess it up again, Niall."

I nod at my mom, agreeing with her.

Jessica sits at the edge of the swimming pool. Her head is tilted, facing the sun and she is leaning back using her hands. With her feet dangling in the water, I feel my chest fill with a warmth that I always get whenever I look at her.

I still can't believe that she's mine. After those months of messing up our relationship, and having to rebuild everything, she still chose me. I don't deserve her.

I let a sigh escape my mouth as I run my hands over my face in frustration. I've never wanted anyone in my life this bad. I've never wanted to ask someone to marry me this bad.

I was supposed to ask her during this vacation, but today is our last day here. I didn't have the guts to do it.

I know she wants it. I know that she is expecting me to ask her, but I'm too nervous. Too shaky and too doubtful. What if she does change her mind? What if even after telling me she's ready, she realizes she's not?

"What's wrong, babe?" Jessica asks.

She's now standing in front of me, her sunglasses on top of her head, her face slightly burned from all of the sunshine we've endured this week. She looks absolutely breathtaking.

I place my hands on her waist, pulling her down onto my lap. Her knees dig into the seat cushion below us while she pushes herself as close as she can.

It affects me more then I wish it would.

Jessica smiles knowingly before wrapping her arms around my neck, "Whats wrong, Niall?"

"Nothing at all," I mumble, "Just realizing how lucky I am."

A light chuckle erupts from her lips, her nose crinkles as the corner of her lips are lifted up. I smile at the sight, feeling my heartbeat faster. I'm whipped. So fucking whipped.

"I love you," she whispers as she leans in and presses her soft lips against mine. Her kisses always get me. The softness of her lips, the way she leans into me, her body reacting to mine.

Everything fits perfectly.

"I want two kids," Jessica says softly, her lips brushing against mine. "I want to live in London and also want to wake up to you every day."

I smile against her lips, "Two kids. Got it. London. Got it. Waking up to you every day? Perfect."

Even though we've been best friends longer than anything, her mind runs constantly. She's always changing her opinions, always strong willed, always so freaking beautiful.

"I also want to spend the rest of my life with you. There's no else," she says, "It's you, Nialler."

I smile at her, really smile.

"It's you, Jess. It's always been you."

A week later, I got rid of the ring that I was going to use to propose to her. I knew that I wanted to, but it didn't seem like us if I planned it. It needed to just come out, and that's what happened two months later in the bathroom before an award show.

Staring at her body that is still laying in a fetal position on the couch with a blanket draped all the way up to her chin makes my heart clench. She doesn't deserve any of the stuff I did to her. Not the first time and definitely not the second time.

The fame didn't bother her until she got pregnant and we started having kids. I hated the fact that our kids would be growing up with a famous father like me, but after many convincing arguments from Jess, it slowly became okay. There have been times I couldn't protect them from it, but I've always tried.

These last three months, I've failed miserably.

Whenever Jessica wakes up, whenever I am going to prove to her that I'm still her husband and not some greedy performer, I'm going to quit. I can't focus on my family when I'm always gone, and it's absurd of me to realize it now.

I'm an idiot for thinking I could have both when I have always known that One Direction is much bigger than my family.

Even thought it's bigger, my family needs me.