The Beginning, Middle, but not the End

Day 5,922 (January 3rd)

Voices talk to one another, but they're distant. Too distant.

"Hello?" My voice echoes of the walls in the empty abyss I find myself in.

"Miss Sizemore, care to join the discussion?" Mr. Parker, my English teacher brings me to attention. I zone back in, realizing I am standing but with no recollection of how I came to be. "I'm sorry, may I go to the restroom?" He nods to me and before resuming his lecture on some assignment I probably missed. The long white and glass hallways are empty, the only sound other than classes chattering behind closed doors are my shoes hitting the tile floor as I walk. I close the door to the girl's restroom that is propped open by a trash can and make sure to lock it. I'm not supposed to lock the door unless it's in case of an emergency, but I do anyways for a little more privacy. I turn on the faucet and I begin to splash some warm water on my face. The water doesn't make me more awake, rather it soothes me. The goosebumps which were rising up and down my arms begin to fade as the wave of warmth takes over.

I look to my right hand, the ring that Dallas got me for Christmas still fits snugly. So far I've only taken it off to sleep and shower since I received it. I don't want to lose it. Zelda and Dante thought I actually got engaged to Dallas at first, which I thought was pretty stupid of an idea. Not that that would be bad, I'm just so young, and he is my best friend. I'm sure getting engaged to Dallas would be a pleasant experience, and I'm sure he's a fun, romantic guy, but I'm pretty much his sister.

I'm getting carried away and lost in my thoughts. I splash my face once more and then exit the bathroom. My feet take me on a stroll down the hall and back to class, where maybe I'll slip away again.

No. I can't do that.

"Jodie, have a seat," I sit down in the maroon lounge chair across from Dr. Xavier. She sits back in her matching chair and opens the file, pulling out a clipboard.

"How's your husband?" I ask, making conversation.

She locks eyes with me sternly, "Jodie. You've meant to say something for weeks now, haven't you? It's obviously been bugging you lately. Just say it, it'll help to get it out and in the open."

"I've been distant."

"How so?"

"I sometimes slip away to this place. I guess when I get to deep in thought, or maybe it's just me? It's dark and empty there, wherever there is. I don't know," I stop myself from rambling.

My therapist takes off her glasses, "Do you go there often?"

It's hard to tell, "I'm not sure."

"When was the last time you went there, wherever that may be?"

"Today in English class. I was sitting in my seat when I grew distant, but standing when I came back to reality."

"What do you think triggered this?" She began to write something down.

"English is very boring sometimes. I guess yeah, I don't remember what I was thinking about specifically. Do you know why I do this?" I carefully watch Dr. Xavier as she continues to scribble into her notes. The room is silent for a few minutes.

I begin nervously fidgeting, my leg starts to bounce rapidly. What if she tells me I'm crazy? I mean I'm not seeing ghosts or screaming at walls so there's no reason why she would tell me that. What if that doesn't matter though? The last place I wanna go back to is the hospital. I've only been there once, and that was for about a week. I almost lost count of the days I was in there, all the drugs had me loopy. I was there from day 4,052 to day 4,059. There's no way that I'd ever willingly go back. They had to sedate me multiple times, from what I remember. It was the worst experience I've ever had. I hate that ominous and rancorous place.

Finally, Dr. Xavier starts to speak up. It's too late though. I can't make out what she's saying. Everything becomes further and further away by the second until there is only darkness. I am alone in this strange abyss again. The sound of cars driving by is so distant, only hums remain. My breathing is slows. An inaudible voice from a woman echoes throughout the room. Why is everything so distorted? I don't know what to do, I need help. I begin to circle the abyss on an endless search for help. Nothing.

"Jodie!"

I open my eyes. I'm standing. It happened again.