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"This is not what I came here for" Hyunjin shook his head before blowing onto Seungmin's stomach as one would have done to a baby. Technically he could pass as one right now.
Pink shorts. The ones Hyunjin loved so much and came to see Seungmin in were now replaced with fuzzy pajama shorts. The same color and around the same length but more child like.
Seungmin giggled at the warm tingly feeling on his stomach. It was something he had been so afraid to ask for. "Again! Again!" The boy clapped his hands, still lying down on the bed with his sweater rolled up to reveal his stomach. Now that he found the courage to, he could never get enough of it. Hyunjin couldn't resist the cuteness and smile he received so he did as the younger wished.
When Hyunjin eventually ran out of breath from blowing he pulled the sweater down and engulfed Seungmin in a tight hug. "I missed you Minnie" Seungmin giggled when he felt a kiss to the side of his neck. "I missed you too Hyunjinnie" the younger pulled away to lean his forehead against Hyunjin's and give an Eskimo kiss.
And so the remainder of the day went by happily. The two watched cartoons together, built houses out of legos, and even created little braids in each other's hair. It was a good day but unfortunately all good things come to an end. Before Hyunjin could leave, Seungmin managed to get to his normal self and give a goodbye kiss. What's disappointing is that that wasn't even the worst of what was yet to come because one of the two planned to do something now that the other was gone.
"Is this what people like now?" Seungmin stared at his reflection. His cheeks were tinted pink but it wasn't in the cute blushy way like most days. He was flushed in embarrassment and guilt. Guilt that he felt for Hyunjin because he wasn't like those other people online.
Seungmin had always taken to the internet in his free time. Today he happened to come across little space on YouTube again but the video thumbnails looked questionable. Curiosity got the best of him and he simply had to see why there were so many views and how these people were different from him.
The male in little space wore a rather lewd type of clothing. Seungmin wasn't sure how a little could want to wear such a thing. It was his comfort place yet this didn't make him feel comfortable.
Once the caregiver appeared things escalated fast and he shut off his computer almost as quickly as he had opened it. The little called his caregiver daddy but it wasn't in the way Seungmin thought it should be used. It was a word of love and trust, not lust and greed. He never knew little space could be sexualized.
His worst fear kept coming back. The fear of Hyunjin possibly thinking that he would be doing all those things in those videos with him. If that's what he wanted from the start. And if it was, how could he say no? He didn't want Hyunjin to love him any less.
That's why Seungmin stood in his bathroom wearing lingerie. If only he liked it as much as the person in the video. With all honesty, he felt like crying. Was this really all he was? Little space never seemed so scary. He wasn't even sure himself if his little space persona would even allow Hyunjin near him! Hell, him in his normal mindset could probably never muster enough courage for that!
And so he broke.
Seungmin felt hot tears stream down his face as he began to rip the expensive piece of 'clothing'. The sound of such intricate design being torn into stringy threads gave him a sense of satisfaction. He body was freeing itself from the tight and uncomfortable restraints.
It was sad. Sometimes the boy forgot that his body was his own. He always noticed that it was never up to most standards. He was reminded by friends and even family. Everything was always fun and games but, in the end, Seungmin was human too. His mind told him it was the right way to go when it came to exposing himself. Because in his mind he knew that's what people wanted for him. The public wanted whatever little attractive part he had. All this doubt about himself was consuming and it made him do everything he could to please others.
But then he remembered Hyunjin.
Of all people, he was the one who mattered most. And yet, when Seungmin thought that Hyunjin might like some of those things, he didn't care. Hyunjin told him he was pretty every day. When he put in effort he was always pretty. Not his clothes. Not his skin peeking out. Not his body. He was pretty because he was himself and that was a big label Seungmin could walk around in confidence with. Hyunjin might admire some things that he chose to wear but it was never about the clothes.
And so Seungmin continued to rip the lace. For himself and for Hyunjin.
When the mesh-y outfit was finally torn to remain as a crumpled ball on the floor Seungmin went back to his comfortable fuzzy pajamas. He opened his phone after he jumped on his bed and went to the unopened messages from Hyunjin that he received earlier that day. About the outfit he wore for himself because he liked it. Every comment the boy gave was positive and never once referred to Seungmin's clothes. Even if he liked them.
Although Seungmin didn't know it, what Hyunjin liked most was when the other felt confident in himself. Somehow Seungmin knowing how good he looks makes him more attractive. Hyunjin understood the boy more than he understood himself. And with that knowledge he knew the ways to get to his heart and make him feel loved.
