You Have Come To The Right Place ~ (Sixx: AM)

Chapter Thirteen

Author's Note:

After four long months, I'm back to continue this story (no, you're not dreaming LOL, it's really happening!) I WILL admit that I am very uneasy about posting this since it's been months, but we gotta start somewhere, right? I'm not sure how often I'll be updating since I'm just getting back into this, so please bear with me! Just know that I plan to keep the ideas flowing... I missed this journey!

I want to give a special thanks to virtualbettie , kajomon , and Iknowellie for the ongoing support and help challenging my writing insecurities! (you guys ROCK!)

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JAMES'S P.O.V:

Day Fifty:

"I have some good news for you."

Eliza has such a huge smile pasted on her face as she looks at me with excited eyes.

"Rachel, Dr. O and I all agreed that since you've been doing so well...". She looks down at her clipboard, then back up at me. "We think it's time for you to try out passes!"

My eyes immediately widen, but I can't get myself to say anything... I can't even get myself to move... For some reason, my body feels frozen in some kind of shock. My legs are planted onto the floor, and I can't move my limbs from the chair that I'm sitting in. My brows are furrowing with slight confusion, as I look right at Eliza, who is still speaking with a tone of satisfaction.

"You've been completing your meals and snacks... You've been participating in groups... You've been isolating less... Your weight hit the pass eligible criteria..."

She's continuing to list off the reasons why everyone supports the decision of me being able to expose myself to the outside world, but I'm having trouble processing what she's saying. It's not that I don't understand her... Its just that, for some reason, I feel like I'm hearing her wrong.

Does she actually think I'm ready to go on passes?

Part of me realizes that it makes sense. According to my treatment team, I've been doing well enough for them to trust me to challenge myself outside of here... I must be doing okay if she's suggesting it, right?

I've been waiting for the day that I could finally go out on a pass and get the hell outta this bubble for a few hours, but now that the time has finally come... I don't know what to think.

I'm trying to ignore the way my stomach is dropping because I know that part of being eligible for passes means that your weight has to hit a certain point. Eliza just confirmed that I officially hit that percentage... I heard her say it with my own ears and fuck...

I hate how my brain is latching onto that fact, and attempting to twist it into something that it's not. Rationally, I know that this is a good thing. My body has been working so hard to repair itself and this is a big deal that it's finally cooperating and using the nutrients from food that I'm giving it in an effective way but dammit! I can't help but feel so uneasy about it...

It doesn't feel right knowing that my body is changing... I know it's been changing the whole damn time I've been here but just hearing that it's at a healthy enough point where I'm allowed to leave the center is making me feel some sort of way... and I hate it... I hate that there's a part of me that almost feels threatened by the idea of progressing, because that's what I'm supposed to be doing! The point of recovery is to slowly take steps forward in order to get back to the place that you were before all of this crap started, so being able to go on pass and seeing my weight improving are the necessary steps that I need to take! I know that.