You Have Come To The Right Place ~ (Sixx: AM)

Chapter Twenty Three

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**

Hi lovely people,

I want to apologize for the longer gap in updating... To be transparent, I have been having a hard time mentally this past week. Lots of things have been going on and it's affected my motivation greatly. I have almost no free time to myself anymore because of how much I'm working and I'm starting to feel a little burnt out (James much??) Jokes aside, it's starting to get to me...

However, I DO want to say that I read every single one of your comments, and although I may take a while to respond to them, they truly do mean the world to me...Every single word. I promise I will get to replies at some point, but I want you to know that I'm not ignoring them and I haven't forgotten about you guys.

Naturally, I don't know how I feel about this chapter but I wanted to get it posted before I head up to New York to celebrate my birthday with my family... I also currently don't have a phone so even if I wanted to update while there, I wouldn't be able to. My brain is being extra cruel to me these days so that is possibly where my insecurity is coming from at the moment...Anyway...I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for being here for me...I do appreciate you all.

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JAMES'S P.O.V:

One week.

It's been one full week since I revealed the truth to Rachel about what's been going on, and even after this week, I still haven't fully absorbed my new reality.

It hasn't gotten any easier to... Nothing has.

I'm struggling.

The morning after that session with Rachel, a treatment team meeting was held between me, Rachel, Eliza, and Dr. O... Everything that was talked about in my individual session was discussed amongst the four of us; well...I should say the three of them, since I hardly opened my mouth once. I just sat there, avoiding eye contact, while the somatic sensations invaded my body.

Although I didn't engage, a few good things came out of the meeting...if good is the right word. Dr. O prescribed me a PRN anxiety medication to take when I have episodes of intense panic. She said it can be taken as needed up to twice a day. I'm not someone who's super keen on medication, especially because of the possible weight gain side effects, but Dr. O reassured me that there are no weight related side effects with this particular medicine.

"Just how you thought you would gain weight on your mood stabilizers, you won't gain weight on this either...Remember, we're healing the WHOLE picture...Mind body and spirit..."

With a little reluctance, I eventually accepted the assistance, and I was told that the PRN could help with sleep as well. That's when I solidified my decision... If anything, my lack of sleep has only gotten worse with everything going on, so whenever there's any possibility of something improving my sleep habits, I jump at it.

The truth is that I've struggled with my sleep for my whole life, especially during manic episodes, but things have been so unbearably difficult that I can't remember the last time I got a good night's rest. And, sometimes I catch myself wishing I could sleep without any disturbances because then at least I could shut my brain off for a few hours...I won't have to deal with anything...

So, that's why I agreed on the PRN medication...I've taken it quite a few times since it's been prescribed but it, unfortunately, hasn't really been working wonders for sleep... Sometimes it does, but most of the time I still have trouble relaxing enough to doze off without waking up frightened...and god , do I hate admitting that. I continuously tell myself that I shouldn't be so scared... That I have no reason to be acting like a paralyzed, timid animal when I'm a man in my late forties. Even though I have a reason for all of this now, it doesn't matter...I'm still having trouble accepting that I'm going through what Rachel told me...It just doesn't make sense to me.