You Have Come To The Right Place ~ (Sixx: AM)

Chapter Ten

JAMES'S P.O.V:

Day Thirty-Seven

Yesterday was rough, but now that I think about it, in a way, I'm actually happy I took that leap and played the piano...

I didn't think it would have made any impact when I tiptoed into that group room at 11 at night, but it did... It really, really did...

I never would have thought that four minutes could have felt so powerful.

For those four minutes that I sang, I forgot I was in treatment. For those four minutes, I felt like a normal person. For those four minutes, I forgot I had an eating disorder, and depression, and bipolar disorder. For those four minutes, my eating disorder mind was silent.

I felt a glimpse of my genuine self, and my eating disorder was put on the backburner...

James was in the room... My sick, fucked up, delusional, disordered self wasn't.

Those four minutes were the first time in a while that I felt at peace with myself... because I was doing something that I love, and that is all I was thinking about. I was present. 100% in the moment, focusing on my singing. I don't have the right words to describe this... I just don't remember feeling something like this in such a long freakin' time...

It was powerful in the way that I felt like I was able to release... I felt a weird weight come off of me, and by the end of it, I broke down... I can't tell if they were happy or sad tears... I don't think they were painful... It was a good cry.

I wasn't expecting Nicole to be outside the group room door... I thought everyone was asleep, but she wasn't. For the first time in a while, I didn't resist someone else's support and comfort. For the first time in a while, I actually allowed myself to receive nurture.

It was uncomfortable, but I had just exposed myself down to my core and felt raw, so I was already stripped down... For some reason, I didn't feel the need to immediately run away.

I wonder if maybe I could go back to that worksheet on identity and try to fill out what my healthy self is like... Now that I had this experience, I think I might actually be able to...

~ ~ ~

Three days later

NIKKI's P.O.V:

2:00am

The second that I approach James's house, a wave of exhaustion hits me.

It's two in the morning... I never go anywhere this late anymore, but I didn't realize until an hour or so ago that I left my bass tuner here...

I know... I could have waited til tomorrow, but I don't see any harm in just picking it up now.

I automatically furrow my brows in slight surprise once I reach the garage.

"DJ?"

DJ's car is still parked in the driveway. I figured it would be. He's been sleeping here every night, so it's not like I wasn't expecting this.

I slowly make my way out of my car and up the stairs to the door of James's house. I'm about to get my key to unlock the door, but to my surprise, I find it to be open already...

That's... odd.

Maybe DJ fell asleep and forgot to lock it... Or, he could have just kept it unlocked since he's in the house... He would know if someone was inside. Who knows? There are tons of possibilities, but I'm still feeling a bit uneasy...