Unfathomable

5.

Madara:

"Good morning, Sonia!" I said happily, coming into the kitchen where she had just pulled out freshly baked croissants from the oven. "Ohh, can I have one?"

"Not yet! They're for breakfast!" she said.

I stole one anyway.

"Madara!"

I laughed warmly, kissed her cheek, and she took me into her embrace.

Sonia was sixty by now, round and grey and originally from Russia. I loved her with all my heart.

"You're glowing, my dear boy! Have you been to your secret room with a man again?"

I choked on my croissant.

"Sonia!!"

She laughed. "Got you! Look at you, becoming all red!"

"Don't tell mum and dad..." I muttered. It was one of my greatest fears, really; them finding out I was homosexual. They were so disappointed in me already, wanting to ski instead of getting a decent degree from university, barely studying. Who knew what they would make of my sexual orientation.

"You can always talk to me, love", Sonia said. "Now, off you go skiing! Enjoy your Saturday!"

I came back a panting, sweaty mess. I always found skiing before breakfast extra challenging, but then breakfast became, like, two hundred times more delicious. I took my helmet off, shook my hair out and went for a shower. I took a long time in there while Sonia and my mother prepared a late family breakfast for us consisting of croissants, cream cheese, strawberry jam, several different cheeses, yoghurt, fruit and a hearty omelette. I carefully washed my hair two times and conditioned it. I moaned softly as I let my hand roam over my body, soaping it in, feeling the love bites Lucas had left all over yesterday night. He would leave on Monday, and I really hoped to get hold of him tonight again... God, we'd been at it for hours.

I came out clad in a black cardigan and olive cargo trousers, my wet hair in a loose braid.

"Oh, you look fantastic", Izuna breathed as he turned round from his seat at the round walnut breakfast table.

I went to him and kissed him on the top of his head, hugged him from behind. He snuggled into my embrace and I indulged. "Look who's talking!" I said, playfully pulling his ponytail, making him blush.

"Boys, behave!" Sonia said, sitting down. She always joined us for weekend family breakfasts, as it should be.

We ate in amicable conversation, me, my brother, my parents and Sonia.

"Izuna, how is exam preparation going?" our dad asked proudly.

"Piece of cake!" Izuna said, munching a croissant with so much jam it made me laugh. "I'll ace them all."

"We know you will", mother said warmly. I knew it was coming, yet I jerked when the question was asked. "And you, Madara?"

"I'm managing", I muttered. In all honestly, I hadn't studied at all all week, my mind being on skiing and men.

"Managing isn't enough in this household", dad said sternly.

"Dad, please, not now!" Izuna pleaded.

"Why can't you be more like your brother?" dad scolded, who was far less soft in his wording than mum.

"Actually", Izuna said. "I wish I was half as good at snowboarding as Madara is at skiing." Bless his heart. "You haven't seen him ski since last year! He's incredible!"

"It doesn't matter, sweetheart", mum said, and I could feel tears burning behind my eyes. Doesn't matter? She said it so casually. I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. "What matters is being able to provide for oneself."

"I can provide for myself!" I said, tears now streaming down my face. I didn't want this conversation. I really didn't want this conversation. But it was brought to me time and time again.

"Sweetheart..." Sonia said softly, not wanting to take sides.

"I know I'm good enough to live off this sport even if I break every leg of my body!"

Dad slammed his hand onto the table, made me and Izuna jump. "You are not to let your brain go to waste!"

"You know what, father? I have none. Izuna does. But I don't! I can't focus when I study. It bores me. So stop pretending I'm letting any sort of intelligence go to waste, because there is none to begin with!"

I hadn't eaten more than two croissants and was still starving, but I found it impossible to stay. I hated it when people saw me cry, no matter how close to them I were. So I stood up and I left.

I was sitting outside on a bench, dreamily looking at the hills that were glistening in the lunchtime sun. I had banned myself from skiing more than seven times a week when on break, as I wanted to minimise the risk for injuries while still skiing every day. But as soon as I was off the hills, I missed it.

Suddenly, I heard soft footsteps behind me.

"Madara, dearest..."

"Hi, Sonia", I said glumly "Sorry for leaving you like that. After you cooked all that fantastic food."

"My dear boy, don't speak like that!", she scolded me. "Look! I brought you." She handed me a small tray of omelette and orange juice, yoghurt and fruit.

"Oh, you shouldn't have!" I exclaimed, but I happily munched as I sat on the bench.

"Madara, you must know I am on your side." I looked at her. Her Russian accent was soft, melodic. It suited her immensely. "I see you ski through the kitchen window. I know you're good. I know you could be out there, competing with the best. Your parents will realise. They'll realise in the end."

"You... You think so?"

She hugged me to her. "Yes. Yes, we must believe."

I helped her clean the kitchen then.

"Madara, my dear, could you do me a favour?"

I could see she was blushing. "What is it?" I asked, suspicious but smiling.

She handed me a tray of croissants and omelette. "Bring this to the author. To Hashirama Senju."

"Oh..." I said, suddenly bitter. I really didn't want to visit him. But I couldn't deny Sonia anything. "He's asked for it?"

"No", she said. "But I want to be polite."

"I see..."

I took the tray, released my hair that had now dried in its braid and came tumbling down in soft waves down my back, took the tray and left.