Unfathomable

30.

Three years later.

Madara:

I put my keys in the locker to our villa and opened the door.

"I'm home!" 

There was no answer. I smirked. Usually, that meant...

I put my gym bag on the ground. It was heavy, containing all sorts of different equipment. I wasn't skiing at this point, but still wanted to maintain the strength and stamina just in case I wanted to pick it up again, which meant my bag contained both running shoes, chalk, a weightlifting belt and yoga blocks for stretching. I had skied for Switzerland for two years, including two world championships and an olympics, and had won everything that came in my way. I had decided my body needed a break. Also... 

I knew I was at a crossroads in my life where I had to chose between living with Hashi, who had moved back to England, and skiing for Switzerland. And the choice had been simple. Hashi had tried to convince me otherwise, that he wasn't worth my dreams, but I had sat him down and really explained it to him. 

"Hashi, love, even if I weren't to move to England with you, I would still quit. I don't want to wait until skiing makes me miserable before I quit. Now, it feels more like a break than quitting completely. I feel this is a good time. Besides, I've fulfilled my dream of skiing. It's done. Everything ski-related I do from here on out is just a bonus." I looked up at him. "I have a new dream now." 

He had taken me on the bed right there and then. 

So last year, we moved to our villa together, on the beach in Cornwall. We loved it. We loved it so much.

I undressed until I was completely naked in the hallway and tiptoed to the bathroom with the big bathtub. As expected, he was soaking in the steams, eyes closed, blasting something in his headphones. Without a sound, I just stepped into the bath. His eyes jerked open, and he smiled when he saw me. 

"Hey, you", he said, removing his headphones.

"Hi", I said happily.

"Come here." He reached his arms out and pulled me to him, and I lay on my stomach on top of him, my chin on his chest, gazing up at him. "How was work?"

"Good. Love it." I was working as an online skiing course. At first I had been hesitant if anyone would be interested, but I had completely underestimated how well-known I was. And seeing I set a very reasonable price, I was always fully booked, earning more than I could ever have imagined earning with any job. 

"Did you hear?" Hashirama asked vastly. "Izuna?" 

I felt a pang in my heart that always came with his name. "Yes..." I said. "Yes, I did. It's amazing."

Izuna had won the Paralympics the same year I won the Olympics, and today, he'd won the world championships in Paralympic snowboarding. He represented England, having moved to Oxford to study medicine and live with Tobirama, and as opposed to me, he continued his training here. He was absolutely insane. 

We didn't speak anymore, him and me. There wasn't any remorse between us; we'd just drifted apart. After the night I tried to end my life, things just didn't become the same between us again. Our conversations became hesitant, difficult, like trying to wade through mud. When I was away for uni, our daily texts felt forced, and we stopped having the constantly ongoing conversation we usually had. In the end, we texted only from time to time, and when I moved, finally, we stopped texting altogether. He was eighteen now, an adult, and I figured he would be fine. But I felt a clench in my heart at the thought of what we'd lost. 

"You... You're not going to call him and congratulate him?" Hashi asked, stroking my back with his broad hands. 

"I don't think that's appropriate", I said. 

"Why not?"

"It gives the impression that I'm only interested in talking to him when he does well. I don't want that."

"I won't nag you. But from time to time, I want to implant the idea in your head." He kissed my forehead to imply exactly where he wanted to implant the idea.

I suddenly felt tears in my eyes. This was new to me; I had never cried over Izuna since we'd drifted apart.

"You miss him?" Hashi asked, drying my tears with his hand.

"Yes", I whispered. "More than anything."

He didn't ask further, something I appreciated with him. I was used to making people beg me for information, but Hashi... By being patient, he forced me to speak my mind when I wanted to instead of waiting for someone to ask about it. Instead of asking, Hashi started placing hot kisses all over my neck, down to my sternum. I leaned my head back and smiled in pleasure. I could feel his erection grow beneath me, causing me to blush, after all these years. Our love had grown and evolved into something calmer and smoother, our attraction for each other still there but not as desperate as it had been, but instead deeper, more important. We still craved each other, but we weren't starving anymore. Hashi moved his hand and started to fondle me underwater, and I leaned my forehead on his shoulder and moaned softly. I snaked my hands around Hashi's neck, put a little of my weight on my knees so that Hashi could reach me better. He worked me slowly, and I moved my body in pace with his hand. 

"Want me to fuck you in the tub?" he asked me.

"Mmm..." I said happily. 

He put his hands on my hips and pulled me into his lap then. I looked him into his eyes, the crinkles around his eyes speaking of the age gap between us, making me go hot and cold and hot again, all over, in arousal. He captured my lips in a soft kiss as I sunk down over him. I loved being over him, as it allowed me to work for him, instead of him working for me. I loved seeing the hunger in his eyes when he saw me start jumping, the things he said, how he started bucking his hips when he couldn't take it much longer. 

In the warm light of our big bathroom, I worked for my boyfriend, making love to him until the floor became wet of overflowing water, until our seeds mixed with the water and we clung to each other, panting, happy, full of love for each other.