Unfathomable

12.

Madara:

I skied with Hashirama the next day, just as planned. We had just as much fun as last time, but this time, Hashi was much more steady. At the end of the day, we were competing down a blue hill, me shrieking in pure joy, Hashi laughing his hearty laugh. I was happy. So happy.

But behind all that sparkling joy was always the gloom of not having my own skis. The rental skis were okay, being adapted for more advanced skiing than Hashi's, but they were not the same. I hated to admit it, but there really was a difference between expensive skis and less expensive ones. It was as if someone had taken away a part of my soul.

As I came home, Sonia noticed I was down, and took me into her embrace. "I'm so sorry about your skis", she said in her Russian accent. "I wish I could buy you new ones, but I can't. All my money goes to the education of my son back in Russia."

I was horrified. "Oh, my God, Sonia, no. Don't even think about it. I will figure something out."

I talked to my parents about it over dinner that night.

"We've been clear, Madara", dad said. "You will not get a penny from us to buy new skis."

"I'm not asking you to give me money! I'm asking you to lend me some."

"You won't need skis when you're in uni."

"I can't go without skiing for two more weeks while I'm on break! It's the only time I can train! I can't afford to waste that much time. Also, I will come back for spring, summer, next winter-"

"What's wrong with the rental skis? Or buy something cheaper?" mum asked, a little more softly than dad.

"Don't be ridiculous", I said.

"Don't speak to your mother like that!" dad warned.

"But it is ridiculous! The cost per day is astronomical! And I can't buy cheaper skis because one, I can't afford them either, and two, they won't enable me to evolve my technique the way I need to, so it would be a waste of money to not wait until I can afford better ones."

"Then wait", dad said.

"It will take at least two years!" I screamed. I hated raising my voice, but I was so frustrated, and to my great shame, tears started falling down my face.

"Then two years it is!" dad screamed and slammed his hands into the table. Izuna jerked, bringing his hands up protectively to the lower part of his face. Izuna had never, ever done this before.

That was it for me. I stood up, pointed my finger at my dad. I had never before stood up to my him like this. "You listen to me. I don't give a flying fuck how much you scream at me, or insult me and my passions. But you scare Izuna one more time..."

I turned and left the table.

Despite all of this, the one and a half week before me and Hashi left brought with it a whole other level of joy from somewhere completely unexpected, in the form of Izuna and Tobirama.

I met Izuna at the bottom of the stairs one day, wearing his snowboard outfit.

"Haven't you snowboarded today?" I asked curiously.

He looked down and blushed. "Yes."

"But you're going again?"

"Yes."

I refused to give up, but stood in front of him, arms crossed, a smirk on my face, not letting him pass. Finally, Izuna gave in.

"I'm going snowboarding with Tobirama."

I smiled triumphantly. I see. "You're teaching him to snowboard?"

Izuna looked dumbstruck. "Oh, God, no! He's an insane snowboarder."

"Oh, wow, I had no idea", I said. "Well, have fun!"

I was out on rental skis later that week, on my own, and in the lift, I caught sight of them, sitting in the sun at an outdoor table of the restaurant at the top of the highest hill, eating. They weren't sitting opposite each other, but next to each other, and they sat so close it was as if they tried to merge into the same person. They struggled using their cutlery as their elbows were so close together, but they didn't seem to care.

I saw them again one day, walking, hand in hand, carrying their snowboards underneath their free arms, looking at each other as if completely star struck and dumbfounded. They kissed on the lips over and over. It was so adorable that I actually cried. They seemed so madly in love, it made my heart ache.

That night, I waited for him in his bedroom. I could hear him come up, and he was talking on his phone.

"I can't wait for tomorrow, either", he said sweetly. "This time, I will win! Okay, I need to study now. I miss you. Kiss."

He hung up, and he had the dumbest smile on his face when he entered the room.

"Busted!" I said as he entered, and his face fell. But it didn't take him two seconds before that stupid grin was on him again. "Tell me everything."

"Aaa!" Izuna screeched and placed his hands on his cheeks, squeezing.

"What did we say about the hormones?" I teased.

Izuna sat down on the bed, and I leaned back on his bed frame and pulled him into my embrace. He relaxed into my arms.

"It's not like that", he said, grinning. "We're not even sleeping with each other."

"Tell me about him."

Izuna smiled. "He's so shy! Much shyer than you! And he's so smart. He's skipped a class so he's already going to university after summer! He's gained a place to study mathematics at Oxford! And he's a switch! Oh, I don't mean-" Oh, they're definitely going to sleep with each other once Izuna turns fifteen. "I didn't mean- We haven't-"

"Izuna, relax", I scolded, shaking his shoulders a little from where I sat behind him. "You're very, very young. But you're also very mature. Never do anything you don't want to do, but also follow your heart."

Izuna turned back and looked at me with huge eyes. "Madara, thank you", he said, and I melted. God, this boy has me wound around his little finger a billion turns.

"Is he good to you?" I asked, but I knew it wasn't necessary; I'd seen how Tobirama looked at him.

"Oh he's a gentleman. He's taking me out to dinner at that fine diner tomorrow evening. Will you help me dress?"

"Of course."

I searched my heart for any trace of jealousy, any at all, but there was none. Of course, it was partly because I loved my little brother, and would rather him be happy than me. He was my soulmate in all senses of the words but there was also another reason. When I searched my soul for black jealousy, there was only the bright presence of Hashi. I didn't seem to be as infatuated as Izuna and Tobirama, but it still felt mature, important, real. Like something to be cherished slowly, explored carefully. I suddenly missed Hashi a lot.

I stayed with Izuna for a while longer, happily chatting. I'd never seen him this happy, and my heart sang for him. Can two people find each other this young?

They made me believe.