Unfathomable

19.

Madara:

That evening, my dad came home with several planks and tools for building.

"What's up?" Izuna asked.

"I'm building something", he said happily. "Madara, when do you want to leave for uni?"

"I have everything ready. I just need to go there and sleep. I'll unpack tomorrow after classes. So, eleven pm?"

"Good, then I will be ready!" he said happily. "I'll need your room from after dinner."

"O... kay." What was going on?

We heard hammering and drilling, swearing and cheers all evening.

"Dad, I'll need to drive soon!" I screamed up the stairs. "You need to come with me so you can take the car back home. Are you done?"

"Just one final touch... Ahh, perfect. Come up, family!"

We all went up and into my room, and when I saw what he'd done, I stopped dead.

It was small, nothing fancy or eye-catching. But it was made of beautiful, very dark wood and extremely smoothly made. It was a shelf with a hanger, simple yet matching the antique aspects of my room by the character of the wood, and lacquered so it shone.

And on the middle of the rack, he'd hung the medal I won in the national championships.

"My son, a national champion!" he said, proudly putting his fists on his waist, wiggling his mustache.

I walked to it, carefully, and reached out my hand. I touched the wood, caressed it. It felt so good underneath my fingers; smooth, polished, right. The whole design was so me. I looked over at my dad.

"Dad, thank you."

"Don't be silly!" he said, and I knew he found these kind of things hard and embarrassing. "Madara, I am sorry for what I said. I can't say I like it a lot, but I've spoken to your mother and I'm accepting it and supporting you. Now, hop into the car and we'll drive. You're coming back for easter holidays? You need to keep ski practice going! Also, Izuna, invite Tobirama over for dinner tomorrow."

At that moment, I felt I might melt out of pure happiness.

Tobirama would stay for two more weeks befors returning to England. Izuna phoned me most nights, giddy of happiness.

"I'm just waiting for all the red flags to turn up as they say they will on Reddit. But they just don't! I know it's early and I'm young but I really, really like him Madara! He will be visiting in Easter again! And I will have turned fifteen by then, so..."

I could basically hear him blushing.

Izuna's happiness was contagious, and I was so happy for him. Yet I couldn't help but feel a tiny pant of jealousy. Me and Hashi hadn't exchanged numbers, and there had been no word from him. I played with the thought of asking Tobirama for his number, but I knew that wouldn't happen. I was too proud and stubborn. But I knew Hashirama was not. So... Why hadn't he contacted me? Hashirama's number couldn't be found online due to his fame, but mine could...

Oh, the irony that the first work we were doing in uni was a poetry book by Hashirama Senju. I sat listening to the lecturer going on about what a genius he was, and during lunch break my classmates talked about him, how mysterious and hot he was. If only they knew... I sat daydreaming about how everyone would react if they could see Hashi doing me from behind, how he grabbed my hair and pulled while shoving his fingers into my mouth and-

I had to stop myself.

But all of that jealousy evaporated when Izuna phoned me the next time and was crying his heart out even as I picked up.

"Izuna, precious, what's up?"

He couldn't speak. It was quite adorable, to be honest. And then it struck me; Tobirama would have left for England today.

"I miss him so much!" he croaked. And he just cried and cried.

"Oh, my God, my darling. Don't cry. Don't cry. He's coming back Easter, isn't he?" I put all of my own petty emotions aside, trying to be there for my little brother, despite the jealousy of him knowing his boyfriend would be back for Easter while I... Well, I didn't even know if I had a boyfriend. But there seemed to be nothing I could do. His despair was so deep, and his crying so desperate it crushed my bones. I started crying too. I requested FaceTime, and he accepted, and his adorable little snotty face made me regret my jealousy instantly. "Do you have some water with you?" He nodded. "Drink some. You've lost so much fluids crying." He drank heartily. "Now, do you want to come over?" Izuna looked at me. "Skip school Friday. Stay til Sunday. I'll take care of you."

Izuna looked at me. Then, he nodded, looking relieved, his crying subsiding.

Having Izuna over was a feast. Despite how obviously sad he was, he brought an enery to my life that I was grateful for. I skipped Friday as well, and decided to take Izuna shopping. I bought him a new helmet and goggles for his snowboarding, seeing his were a few years old and changing your helmet from time to time when you snowboarded and skied as roughly as we did was important. The helmet was metallic orange, the goggles mirrored turquoise with a hot pink band.

"You don't have to buy me things", Izuna said and blushed.

"I want to buy you things", I said, putting my arm around his shoulders, clad in the thick fabric of his black coat. "It brings me joy. Now, let's go have pie and hot chocolate at a cafe and you can tell me all about you and Tobirama."

We sat down at my favorite cafe, a piece of cherry pie with vanilla cream and a mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream each, chatting happily. Izuna looked adorable in a vanilla white cardigan with a polo neck that was far too big for him and skinny black jeans.

"We video call every day", he said, looking away and blushing. "He never asks for anything sexy. Never talks dirty. I wouldn't mind if he did, to be honest. But it just feels so respectful that he doesn't."

"What do you guys talk about?" I asked.

Izuna smiled at that, warming his hands on his mugs. "School. My plans for the future. Him studying mathematics at Oxford. I ask him about life in England. The possibilities for me to study medicine in Oxford..."

"Izuna, that's amazing!"

"I know it's early yet", Izuna said hurriedly. "We're just playing with the thought. How about you, how about you and Hashi? I mean, Mr Senju?"

"Izuna", I said, reaching my hands out and taking both of his, that were still around his mug. "This weekend is about you. And you need to let loose. Enjoy being in love for the first time. You don't need to hold back. I believe Tobirama could be worthy of you. And I don't say that lightly."

He looked at me and smiled, and my heart melted.

And for Izuna's entire stay, it was obvious how in love the two of them were. Izuna slept with the sound of his phone on, and was woken up by Tobirama in the mornings, speaking for an hour. Then, in the evening, they video called until they fell asleep. I didn't mind at all.

"I'm sorry", Izuna said on the last day while we ate dinner together. "I've spoken to Tobirama too much while I'm here. It was rude."

"Izuna, don't even say that", I said, putting my hand on his cheek. He took it. "It makes me happy."

And it did. It truly did. But it made me miss Hashi so, so much.

The last night Izuna was staying, I lay in bed at night, crying. Izuna was on a thick mattress on the floor, having fallen asleep an hour before me, so I tried my best but stay quiet. But suddenly, I heard him stir and get up. And before I knew it, he'd clambered into bed with me, and hugged me close to him, holding my head to his chest, and I let myself cry.

"Don't hide your crying from me, Madara", he whispered. "I know you miss him. I know you miss Hashi."

I grabbed hold of his T-shirt and sobbed until it was drenched.