Unfathomable

29.

Hashirama:

Being in London with Madara was a feast.

That first day, we stayed in bed for two hours after having had sex with each other before we went out. We went down Oxford Street and Regent Street, just marveling at she shops. Madara loved going to Selfridges and look at all rich people there. He also loved Hamley's, the ginormous toy shop, and so did I. We went to Camden town to have dinner, and ended up buying bean burgers with sweet potato fries and cassis soda at a vegan food stall, and then share a cone of churros. We went to Cyberdog and I took Madara to the sex toy department, mostly for the enjoyment of me watching him blush and hide his face and go "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God." When he wasn't watching, I bought a strong rope and two lubes, one that smelled and tasted of caramel popcorn, and one that smelled and tasted of green apple. That night I did all sorts of things with him in the bedroom, having him tied up to the bed frame with the rope.

"How did you learn to tie those knots?" He asked me.

"I wasn't a virgin before you, you know", I said.

He didn't argue with that.

The next day, we went to do some sightseeing, and we had dinner at the Peninsula at the hotel, three courses with a bottle of champagne. Madara looked fantastic in a dark red velvet dress that went to his knees, his hair up in a clip, and after two glasses of champagne, he was a giggling mess. I loved it. Our fingers were entwined when we were not busy eating, and we gazed upon each other and the splendid view. The last day, we went shopping, Madara mostly buying things for Izuna. Soon, we were leaving for Oxford where I was going to spend time working, and which would be our base for day trips and weekend adventures to York and Cornwall. And during the weeks there, I saw Madara come to life again, his depression slowly dwindling away, opening up to the world and his life once more.

Madara:

The sun was setting beautifully over the ocean. I had never seen the ocean before, so I stood with my feet in the sand, my arms crossed over my chest as protection from the warm summer breeze, my long, open cardigan flying around my knees. The world of Cornwall was bathed in dove blue and orange, the light just enough for my eyes to catch the browns and greens of my surroundings. I felt his presence behind me, sitting on a big log, watching the sunset with me. I felt rather than heard him stand up, taking slow steps towards me in the sand. He stopped behind me, his abdomen lightly pressed to my back, and blew hot air in my neck. I shivered.

"It's fantastic, seeing you like this", he said warmly, his voice matching the colours of the setting sun.

"Seeing me how?" I asked, not turning around.

"Happy." He said simply. I smiled. I felt like that smile could cut through the purple could above me.

"I still need to..."

"Seek help?"

I nodded. I felt his warm hand on my left shoulder. I lifted my left hand, took it in mine before turning around to face him. "Thank you for this", I said. "I will pay you back when I'm a famous skier."

His eyes crinkled. "I don't doubt it."

Earlier that day, I'd had a phone call from the administration of the national team of Switzerland, asking me to join them. I had accepted. They would pay me good money alongside the prize money I would inevitable earn. Which meant I was free to do with my life as I pleased. Slowly but surely, a picture of what I wanted life to look like had started forming in my head. And it didn't revolve around skiing. It revolved around Hashi. But of course, I wouldn't stop skiing. Not now.

Hashi slid his other hand along my cheek until he had it hidden in my hair on the side of my face. He bent down and kissed me. I grabbed his T-shirt and pulled him over me in the sand on the completely empty beach. He placed kisses on my torso and then down over my shorts to my thighs, tracing his lips over my scars, deep and ugly, but part of me, and accepted by Hashi. Maybe in time, I would accept them as well. But for now, Hashi accepting them was enough.

We kept kissing in the sand, happy, healthy, both of us, before heading back to our rented apartment with the vast glass walls and the ocean view.

I was happy.