Human world is a disturbing place. People are difficult, circumstances are difficult, making choices is difficult. You always have to let go of something really precious to you in order to obtain what's needed at the hour.
There was a time i considered any thought a sin if it didn't have you in it. I would not breathe if i couldn't visualise your warm gaze. All my mind, body and soul felt healthier and more stable praying for your success, happiness and prosperity. You were the priority. My self respect, my ease, my personal space, my dreams, everything became secondary. You were the only hobby i decided to pay heed to. If i had to choose, i would have chosen to throw my eternity in a dark, putrid gutter just to exchange it for even one more moment of fragrant bliss in your life. I was wrong. Everything was wrong from the beginning. I was dead wrong. It was never about us. It was never our life. It was your life, your game, your pleasure, your luxury. You are not evil or greedy, you are just selfish and discriminating. You cared more for worldly pretences than sincere bonding and i just got swayed confusing your happiness for my own. I trusted you. You took advantage of my simplicity. I was no better than a stupid child back then. So how are you feeling now? Are you proud of yourself for being an opportunistic fungus harming an already frail patient? Or do you completely forget about the useless bugs you squish just by walking around? Perhaps you could still flock around until you have found a suitable replacement? I did serve you well, didn't i? Must be tiring for you now that you have to tread the stone pavement without your red-carpet kissing your crude footsteps.
But for me It's all okay now. Pain and struggle don't last forever. You didn't ruin my innocence, you just helped mature the naive little lamb into a proper person. My heart has grown to match my age, my mind has become more receptive and initiative, my body has become more adaptive to change. I feel stronger, prettier and more independent than ever before. I have bigger aims, exquisite desires and high aspirations now and the requisite amount of energy to reach them. You have skyrocketed my self confidence that i should be thankful for but i refuse. You don't deserve my respect or gratitude. You never did. You were a mere penny-pincher. You have cursed your life on your own, you'll keep flogging your dead horses but won't achieve shit. All your acts are based on your intentions.
I'll live well from here on out. I was born a free spirit so i never fit in anyway. I was never obligated to like anybody's opinions, but from now on i'll stop being afraid of my ownself as well. I won't carry any useless burden. I'll like myself on my own and i'll shine on my own. No-one is expected to do me any extravagant favor for free. No-one has to go out of their way for me. I won't owe anybody a cent either.
I'll take responsibility for my own happiness. I won't fake a smile just to stop your tears. You wipe them yourself. Your toxic existence is not needed anymore. Peace✌
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