Ch 46. Selene 6.23

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All human lives revolve around the same focus. Yet everyone has to walk their own, none can leave their fated path.

I am not extraordinary to grab anybody's attention. I am not below average so i can't be ignored either i can say so myself. I am just there, at a place where i can see you, i can't get any closer than that but i can't look away either.

You are more than a muse, you have become a reason for the tired ones around you to go on living. I believe everyone is born different. Yet they need to share a common happiness in order to breathe together in the same world. You are the source of joy that connects all the world around you. No body can do it the way you do. You are one in a million. Scratch that in a billion. No probably more.

I can only work if i see you working hard. Your positivity keeps my insecurities in check, your warm breath keeps me healthy, your cosy touch heals my wounds, your pure smile protects my heart, your graceful passion keeps me full.

But do you have to stay so far away? Just the thought of never being able to cross that line is stifling. Greed, selfishness, arrogance, humans are born with those deadly sins. Pretending not to have those traits gives rise to envy. Since you are so honest with your feelings, you have always been true to yourself, hence you never learned how painful it is for people who want you all to themselves. I don't blame them, you are so perfect what choice do they even have. Why is it wrong to hope for a swell life?

Even though i understand this, even though i know your grand existence comes with that much responsibility, it's wrecking my heart not being able to see you every so often. It doesn't have to be everyday. But can't you be there for me more and more. It's sad to lay down sick on my own. It's lonely to eat by myself. It's too boring not being able to share petty jokes during chores. All the comfort that you have been struggling all your life to achieve is paradoxically draining for your family. You can't sacrifice one for the other.

You are all i have. If i can't have all of you, it's living hell. But i can't live without you either. I keep crying but i don't find an answer. What do i do. You tell me. What do i do now.

 What do i do now

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