Frozen Heart

Chapter 18 ~ "I Always Worry About You"

Nik

Oh god.

I might have just made the best mistake ever. Grace was really important to me, I wanted to prove to her that she was and wait. I didn't just want to have sex with her, I wanted it to be slow and special. Instead it was fast and desperate, she didn't even take off her shoes.

But it was so incredible, it was so different with her. I knew it had been a long time, well for me at least, since I'd done this. And to do it with her was unexplainably good.

I was out of breath once it was over, she actually took off her shoes and I pulled my boxers back up once I tossed the condom. Since then we've just been laying here together, face to face and I couldn't let her go.

"I'm sorry." I whisper eventually and she furrows her eyebrows.

"For what?" She asks and I pull her closer to my chest.

"For.....this, for going so fast." I tell her. "I didn't mean for any of this to escalate like this."

"Nik, look at me." She says. She had this happy, sated look on her face, her cheeks were flushed and she starts to laugh. "Do I look upset?"

"No." I admit. "I just.....I didn't want to make you think you were anything like anyone I've ever messed around with."

"Oh no." She says, shaking her head. "I think two months with almost no physical touch was more than enough." She tells me and I smile. "This was....so far beyond the intimacy I've ever shared with another person ever before. It was a different way of getting closer."

"You're really not mad?" I ask and she rolls her eyes, giving me a kiss. 

"No." She insists. "I like that we actually took a big step." I nod and carefully press my lips to her forehead.

"I shouldn't have been so in my head about this, I'm sorry the lack of physical touch really upset you." I tell her, moving my hand over her back and she nods.

"I shouldn't have been so upset." She mumbles. "Maybe it's just because I'm kind of a touchy person, but I was really worried we weren't connecting this way."

"It's probably my fault we haven't connected in any other too." I admit with a sigh and she shakes her head, running her hand over my arm.

"I'm sorry I pushed you." She whispers. "I should have respected your space, I just.....maybe it's stupid but I like it when you're really open. I get excited that you want to share something with me, understanding you makes me happy."

"I don't even understand me sometimes." I admit and she laughs. "But I think you might, I told you tonight that I trusted you. I meant it." She nods at that with a big smile, kissing my cheek and settling into my chest. I let the silence drift in and then I start to think about just how far we'd come together. I really did want her to know that I wanted to open up, I trusted her more than anyone else in the world.

"What do you want to know about me?" I ask tensely and she furrows her eyebrows, looking up to me.

"What?" She asks and I shrug.

"You said there's holes." I whisper. "That it feels like you're spending time with a stranger.....I don't want you to feel like that. Because I know you inside-out, I......I've never really told anyone about me before. But, I'd like to tell you." I whisper and she smiles, looking amazed.

"Really?" She asks and I nod, she leans in and presses her lips against mine and I feel my mind go fuzzy. I can't believe I'd really held off doing that for so damn long, it made me feel so light. "If you're sure?"