Frozen Heart

Chapter 43 ~ "Who's First?"

Grace

"What are you smiling about?" Nik whispers over my shoulder and I sigh, trying to stop the annoying smile from coming up over my face. 

Tell Nik I'm home alone and he's racing over here. It made me smile that he wanted to come over here so fast. He didn't waste a single second, but I wasn't one to complain. Nothing was better than this, it was the laying down afterwards that I liked the absolute most.

"Nothing." I mumble, feeling his fingertips tap the skin on my hip. He was laying behind me, holding me tight and whispering things in my ear. Every so often he'd kiss the side of my neck or my shoulder. We hadn't bothered to get dressed, just laying here like this was too good and it wasn't something we'd had the chance to do lately. 

"You okay?" He asks and I nod, looking back over my shoulder. I'm met with the biggest shit-ass grin I've ever seen in my life. His eyes were completely alive, dimples dotting both of his cheeks. He really is gorgeous.

"Yeah." I whisper, rolling over onto my other side so I can face him. "That was really nice." I tell him, moving my hand to the side of his face. He smiles again and leans in to kiss me, I sigh, feeling his lips touch mine. My god he was a good kisser, he was good at.....everything.

"I missed you." He says quietly and I nod.

"I missed you too." I tell him and he leans his forehead on mine taking a deep breath. 

There was one part I was incredibly confused about, when I took off his boxers I wanted to have him. I thought it would be fun but he stopped me before I could even put my lips on him. It confused me, we'd slept together a bunch of times, why was that the thing that stopped him?

"Can I ask you something?" I whisper and he nods. "Why did you stop me?" I ask, resting my hand on his chest. "I wanted to do it-"

"Because I don't need it." He says and I smile.

"That could be said for any part of sex." I insist and he shakes his head.

"Because you're special, I don't want you doing that." He says quietly and I feel my eyes widen in confusion. "When we have sex.....it's something we do together, you know? It's you and I, I don't want that from you. I don't want anything one-sided." He explains and I sigh. Then I start to think about the times it's been one-sided for me.

"What about the times when you've-"

"That's different." He says quietly, running his fingers through my hair. "It is for me at least it is......just for now, no. Okay?" He asks and I sigh with a nod.

There was some element to this that he wasn't explaining. But I felt reasonably confident I could put the pieces together. He'd been with a lot of girls, a lot of girls he only wanted one thing for. I wasn't one of those girls so he wouldn't let me be in the same category.

"If you change your mind, let me know." I tell him and he chuckles a bit.

"You really want to huh?" He asks and I roll my eyes. "I'm just teasing, you know I'd tell you." He whispers, pulling me back closer and I nod. All things aside, it was cute that he was so intent on that not happening. 

"Okay." I whisper and he gives me another kiss.

I'd been thinking a lot recently about the future and where we were headed. I'd be really sad if we couldn't have this next year. I didn't need it everyday, just some assurance that we could work to see each other.

"What's up?" He asks, snapping me from my thoughts. I take a deep breath, ready to tell him the thing that had been on my mind for ages. I hope nothing bad comes from the conversation we're about to have.