Frozen Heart

Chapter 57 ~ "Do Something Romantic"

Nik

What did I do?

She hasn't even looked at me since our fight this morning, I've never seen her this angry before about anything and it took me way too long to understand I'd done the wrong thing. 

I just didn't understand the need for prom, it seemed so irrelevant and pointless. I'd never liked the idea of it that much and if I was still single I'm sure I never even would have thought about going. I thought she'd feel the same way about it, that she wouldn't really want to go and we could just do something else.

I knew something was wrong when I woke up and she was on the other side of the bed. We didn't always sleep in a ball, but she never slept that far away, let alone with her music in. Then I remembered what I'd said to her last night and I just wanted to forget about it. I hoped she did too, I wanted her and I hoped we could work it out without having that conversation.

I just didn't know how mad she really was. I'd been pacing around all day because I kept thinking about her telling me to get off of her and to stop. That look she gave me was burned into my mind, followed up by the phrase 'what is wrong with you?'. 

I mixed too many things together, anger, sex, love, emotions. All it did was make her angry and I knew as soon as she yelled at me to stop that I'd done something wrong. She tore a good strip off of me in the bathroom this morning and when it was all said and done I just felt crappy.

I knew she was right about every last one of the things she called me out on. I went about it the wrong way and I should have just given her a really sincere apology. It didn't register with me that the tone I was speaking in and how dismissive I was being, was incredibly mean. 

She's all I care about, the only person I love and I destroyed some part of our trust over the last twenty-four hours. I shouldn't have kept it from her or tried to laugh it off, I should have just been honest. All it's costed me is losing a day with my girlfriend. 

Wherever I went she went somewhere else. If I went outside, she'd go inside. If I went to the living room she'd go to the bedroom. She's taken about ten walks since she said she wanted some space. It was hard to do when all I wanted was just to apologize and wrap her into a hug. 

How could I have done what I did this morning? I should have noticed how much prom meant to her, that she was upset instead of trying to get her to forget about it. I normally worked overtime to read her face and make sure she wasn't upset, today I didn't take the time and I paid for it.

My biggest fear was that I'd lost all of our trust, that she wouldn't forgive me. I felt bad that I snapped and just said I'd take her if it would fix it. It took me a long time to even understand that it wasn't the prom she was upset about, it was that I didn't want to go with her and my cold reaction when she brought it up. 

It was after two now, she still wasn't speaking to me. We hadn't eaten lunch yet, I kept hoping it would be fixed soon and we'd eat together. But that wasn't happening and I sigh, opening the fridge and getting out my boxed salad. 

I look out the window to her laying on her stomach on one of the loungers. She was reading, but she was listening to music. I take out my phone and text her, just to let her know there was lunch inside. Then I watch the heartbreaking moment of her picking up her phone to read the message and then promptly setting it back down.

I walk outside through the master doors and I sit on the outdoor bed, trying not to feel so sad. I kept wanting to cry but I was trying to hold it together. I hated that I'd made her feel that way, I loved her so much and the fact that I just dismissed her like that wasn't okay.