Frozen Heart

Chapter 26 ~ "Hang In There"

Nik

I'm so wiped, I can't even think straight today. Yesterday had been a nice glimmer of fun and happiness, but after I dropped Grace off the world wasn't as bright anymore. 

I had hardly seen her in almost a week and a half! I couldn't come over to her house because I never knew when I could come over, I had lots to do every single day. I keep telling myself I just need to get through this day....but then every day is exactly the same.

It wasn't this bad last year, but I was a senior now, I had so many things to keep track of and think about. All I wanted all of the time was to be with Grace, I never wanted to be anywhere other than in her room, laying in bed with her. 

I didn't even want sex, even though it had been well over two weeks since our last time. I just wanted closeness, I wanted to be able to kiss her or cuddle down in bed together. I couldn't do it at school, it wasn't exactly appropriate to be all over your girlfriend at the lunch table. But I had a hard time doing it as it was, she was beautiful and special, but I didn't want to put anything we did on display.

It felt private and intimate, it was the first time I'd felt like that with a girl. Our intimacy meant more to me than anything else because it was such a hurdle that I had to get over. I'd never held hands, hugged or cuddled with anyone. And kissing never felt like that with anyone else. Only her.

I was having a hard time swallowing the word 'boyfriend', not because I didn't want it, but because I'd never done it before. Grace wasn't wrong with the fact that I liked things to work out for me and that I liked to feel like I understood what I was doing. I also didn't feel like I was a very good one. I felt like I left her on the back-burner without even meaning to, and that broke my heart.

What could I do about it? I just didn't have time in my schedule to go on dates or stay up on FaceTime. I didn't want to disappoint her, but maybe this wasn't a good idea. Not because I didn't want it, but because I couldn't give her the time she deserved. 

Yesterday had been a nightmare, my father's car was gone when I came home. Mom was cooking in the kitchen when I came in but she wasn't herself. She was holding back tears, mom only got like this when the members of our family fought. I knew that with dad gone, Sasha had to be crying somewhere. God, what had happened? Did she mess up and not place?

I immediately went upstairs and I heard Alex shout out for me and I hurried down, thinking the worst. I knew what my father was capable of, he was almost as big as I was and Sasha was so tiny, he scared the crap out of her. 

I went into her room and took in the red blotches on her face. Those only came from crying and her eyes were pink, man, she must not have placed. That second place she got the other week must have ruined her confidence.

"Look at this." Alex said, passing me the score sheet and I grabbed it, worried it wouldn't be very hight. To my surprise, the number was higher than any one I'd ever seen before.

"A one-forty-one?" I asked, perhaps sounding a bit too surprised. She smiled a bit at that and sniffled back some tears.

"Point two." She said and I picked her up giving her a big hug. Good job Sasha.

"Look at you." I told her and she looked almost proud of herself, like she was certain of her accomplishment. I thought quickly about what I could do to make her happy. I had the night to spend with her and I wanted to bring her spirits up. "Well I think we should go out and celebrate this win. Dad won't be back for a while." I suggested and she nods with a smile.

She looked down at her sweatpants and sighed, looking momentarily uncertain in the comfortable clothes. "Alright, can I change?" She asked and I almost laughed. I had been waiting for this side to come out in Sasha for years. She might apply make-up and get manicures, but she didn't give a shit about what she wore. Everyday she had her hair in that tight bun.