bucket list || l. norris

twenty five

* new chapter time!!! enjoy, and don't forget to vote / comment throughout! thank you so much <3 *

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"I was so terrified, you know?" We'd managed to avoid the topic of me being in hospital since Lando returned from Monaco last night. It wasn't until we were alone, in our shared apartment, that he brought it up. I was lying on my back in our comfortable bed, Lando beside me with his hands ever so close to mine. "Knowing you were in hospital and I was so helpless. I was so scared of what might go wrong."

"Lando," I glanced at him, not really knowing what to say or what to think. I pulled the duvet further over my body. "Please. I don't want to think about it."

"I know you don't," he sighed while rubbing his tired eyes, and as I gazed into them, I could see the persistence. He wasn't going to let this go easily. "I didn't want to go to Monaco without you, Mila. I felt something different when I was working and you weren't there. It wasn't nice."

"I hated being at home watching you, when I should've been by your side, supporting you, working with you," I frowned. I'd not spoken about it until now, and the feelings I endured over the weekend were pretty intense. Weirdly, it was the longest Lando and I had been apart for some time now. "It just felt wrong, but I couldn't complain. Mum and dad just wanted me safe. I was safe with them, so I couldn't sit there and complain about how much I wanted to be with you."

"I almost didn't drive on Friday," Lando's words made me feel nothing but sadness. I felt like I was the only person responsible for making him feel so down. "I barely slept, I must've only got a couple of hours, if that. All I could think about was you. We had plenty of discussions on the Friday morning about whether I was in the right frame of mind to get in the car."

"I'm sorry for doing that to you." I felt guilt like never before. I always wanted Lando to put Formula 1 first because I knew how much it meant to him, but something told me he would never do that. He wanted me to know that I was his priority.

"Don't even think about apologising, Milly," Lando shook his head as he reached for my hands, clasping them between mine gently. He was so patient with me. "Zak was ready to put a reserve in. He understood that it was really affecting me, he didn't want to push me over the edge, you know? I was adamant that I had to do it. For you. I knew you'd be concerned if you turned the TV on and I wasn't on the timing sheets."

"Shit, Lando," I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like he was telling me everything that he feared, without even realising it. "I'm sorry for putting you through that. It's not fair. I didn't realise how much it impacted you, or your mind, or your racing. It shouldn't be like that."

"It's not your fault. It's not my fault," Lando wanted to be close to me, I could sense it. Meanwhile, I wanted him to hold me, just so I could feel safety and comfort. "As long as you're okay now, that's what matters. You'll be in Canada with me, and we have that to look forward to, right?"

"We do," I smiled, as I lifted my head to rest it on Lando's chest. When I heard his heart pumping through his chest, I felt at home again, because this was my safest place. "Don't worry about me. There's nothing to worry about. I just can't get too stressed about work. That's what sets me off."

"We can take things slower when we're in Canada, okay? Take a step back from the busyness and just focus on keeping you comfortable and healthy." Lando began to softly brush his fingers through my messy hair. I'd not showered today, too excited to be back in Lando's company and to catch up with him after his weekend in Monaco. I didn't mind. Lando had seen me at my absolute worst, so this was barely an issue for me.