I'm sorry (Jaspar Fanfiction)

Chapter 16 (sorry for the chapter mess up)

A/N This chapter is more of a filler before more drama kicks in so its probably really short and not well written- sorry about that!

Caspar's POV
He's happier. I don't know what clicked inside of him but he's smiling a lot more. A real smile. I have learned the difference. It's an easy difference really, mostly you can tell in his eyes- a real smile they bright up and shine, a fake one they stay emotionless and gloomy. Okay back to the point. We are also taking steps to getting his life back to the way it was before. Starting with getting some food. Sounds kinda stupid right? Well him getting food involves interacting with people, you get the point. Today I asked if he wanted me to come but he said no, I get it. I have been kinda overprotective of him, we all need some sort of space. Couples don't need to do everything together. Should I of been more worried about it? No he's independent. We are also sharing a room now, but that's normal. I never realized how much I love cuddling until one of us goes on a long trip and we don't see each other. That usually never happens though, again we are always together! Although, not many people know we're together yet, only our closets friends. We will tell the rest when Joes ready, I just care about his happiness. I don't want him to feel panicked. I feel more like a babysitter or something to Joe then a boyfriend, but eh I still love him.
"Where is he?" I started questioning to myself. He has been gone for over an hour. Getting us dinner, I said no this time. Needed some alone time, stop judging me.
I got bored, quickly if I may add, and started going through some old drawers. I piece of paper was folded into tiny square. I took it out and examined it quickly.

Dear Caspar,
By the time you read this, I will be gone. Not dead just somewhere else. I know pathetic. I'm pathetic. I have tried writing this many times. I feel so sad and worthless. By now everything is falling into place. Everyone is gone. The thought of death gives me a peaceful smile knowing it will be all over. No more stress, no more responsibilities... Just peace. Just think if I wasn't born. My family would be closer together. My friends wouldn't of had to deal with me, they could of been happier. And most importantly, you. You wouldn't of had to live with me and keep my company. You could be living with a nice girl or something. Your life would of been changed-

My reading was interrupted with a soft knock on the door. Joe stood in the doorway.
"C-Caspar," he crocked out.
"Joe um I didn't h-hear you come in," I said nervously. He had seen me, I knew it.
"Where did you find that?" He said eyes lined with tears.
I ran up and hugged him. Would he ever stop crying? Stop thinking like that! He has been there for you!
"It doesn't matter. I uh love you... a lot, you should know that," I said quietly but with a harsh tone.
His body tensed up.
"I-I know. I wrote that a while ago and I hope you wouldn't find it because-" he cut himself off and looked at the floor.
"What?" I asked.
"Foods on the counter," he said and ran off to his room.
Everyone has secrets, some are bigger then others. I thought I knew all of his...
What if he never changes, I'm just so done with this!
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I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated!
I'm trying to write out the whole (or most) of the story before I upload again so I case I do get behind on writing (like I have) I can just upload a pre-written chapter (if that makes sense)
Thank you so much for 3.1k reads! You all are awesomexx
Hope everyone had a great weekend and I'll see you soon!
Love you<3