Jeonghan pushed me outside and we just strolled not too far from the clinic.
It's already quarter to six, I guess. The sky is starting to turn brighter. We stopped at the sidewalk and absorbed the gentle heat.
"Wow. We watched the sunrise again together. How I missed this. It felt like a year." He said.
"I missed this, too. It's really comforting. Dawn with you."
He kissed my head and continued strolling. We went back to the alley a little nearer to the clinic. Then he stopped again.
"Planning to smoke?" I asked.
He just turned my chair in front of him, and sat on his heels. I looked down on him as he touches my cheek.
"I'm sorry, Joshua."
"For?"
"Waking up your mom."
"Nah. You know what, I think dad still wants to bring our family together. He didn't know where Jas is, if she's alive or if she just doesn't want to see us. But he kept the jasmine and told me to protect it."
"I see. That's love, right?"
"I guess?"
"Do you want to meet her?"
"Knowing that she wants to kill me? I don't think so."
"I will not let her."
He looked at my leg and traced the bandage on top of my pants.
"Joshua, you idiot."
"I thought we're done with the antique shop incident."
"No no no. Don't ever do that again, don't risk your life for me, okay?"
"I'm alive. I purposely avoided my vitals."
"Ahhh no! You actually thought they'll pity you?"
"I was running out of ideas, so."
"Tsk. Okay. Don't do it again. I hate seeing you like this."
"I'm sorry. I'll move my wheelchair alone."
"No! I'll do it."
"But you said you hate-"
He kissed me and I closed my eyes. I really missed him. He put his hand behind my head, and I put mine on his shoulders. I'm breathless but I don't want to disconnect our lips. I just want to get lost in the moment.
He then stopped and sat in front of me again.
"Thank you." I said.
"Weird, for what?"
"I really.. wanted.. it. I missed you, your.. kisses and"
"Pffft HAHAHAHAHA."
He rested his head on my lap while laughing.
"Why?!"
"You're awkward! Thanking after a kiss? HAHAHA You're the best."
"Stop laughing!"
"HAHAHAHA" He suddenly held my cheek and looked me in the eye.
"Okay, I know, I'm blushing. You don't have to say-"
"I was afraid." He interrupted.
"What do you mean?"
"Before I lost my consciousness, I thought of waking up by your side. I've been craving it for so long. But when I opened my eyes a while ago, you were beside somebody else."
"Wait Jeonghan. I fell asleep beside you."
"Really? Well, it's okay now. I thought Seokmin will take you away from me."
I didn't get it.
No, actually I understood. Everything is so clear yet I'm doubting it.
He protects me, he kisses me, he wants me.
That's love, right?
But I want to hear it from him. I want to know for sure that it's mutual. I'm just too scared to ask. What if I'm assuming all of this?
"Oy Joshua. Are you with me?"
"Huh? What?"
"I said I love you."
"You what?"
"I love you, Hong Jisoo."
I stoppped, even my brain stopped working. My heart is left alone working, beating like crazy.
"You.."
"I love you. I love you so much. I hate being away from you. I hate seeing you hurting. I hate it when someone else likes you aside from me."
He intertwined his hand with mine and continued
"Please, allow me to protect you, okay? I will keep you alive. After this, I will make sure to make you happy."
He wheezed and bowed on my lap. He tightened his grip on my hand.
"Hahaha. I'm whipped. Hey, Joshua. I love hugging and kissing you. Do you hate it? Do you want me to stop?"
"No!"
"Hahaha! Then I won't."
He hugged me and whispered "I love you, Joshua."
He said it, more than once! He said he loves me. What should I do now?
I've never experienced this before, so I don't know what to do. If only I can use my legs, I maybe jumping now for joy.
He pulled away his hug and flinched when he saw my face.
"Don't cry!" He wiped my tears.
"I'm not crying."
"I'm literally wiping your tears, Joshua."
He kissed the cheek that he just wiped. He smiled and said
"I'm really making the most out of my kiss tickets."
"Jeonghan, aren't you going to ask me?"
"Ask you what?"
Yeah, ask what? I just know that when someone confesses, the other will need to answer.
Answer what?
Wait a second, when Hoshi confessed, what did Seokmin do?
"You're spacing out again, Joshua. Should we go back?"
"No! I.."
"Okay. Then maybe talk to me."
"Jeonghan. I'm very happy that you're safe and you're with me now. I missed you so much. I felt so much emotions this past week.
I was so nervous when I heard that Nico kidnapped you. Then I was mad when I saw you tied up. But I felt a slight relief when I know you're alive. Then you disappeared from me again.
I realized, I can't afford to lose you."
I looked at him and he's listening intently. He's making me blush I don't think I can continue but I did.
"You know, I never felt this emotion before. I'm afraid to be selfish but I want you all for me. I don't want to be foolish but I'm willing to shoot myself for you. I..
Yoon Jeonghan, I love you so much."
I said it. I'm so nervous and shy but at the same time I felt different kind of relief. I'm so contented right now, if someone started shooting in the background, I won't care. As long as I know that he loves me and he knows that I love him.
"I can't take this!" He bowed again on my lap.
"Why? Was it too cheesy?"
"You were too cute, my heart is going to explode!"
"Are you serious??"
He lifted his head and smiled widely. He paused for a couple of seconds and I realized he's waiting for me to say it again.
"I love you so much, Jeonghan."
"I love you so much, Joshua."
I leaned down and reached for his face. For the first time, I had the courage to initiate the touch.
We kissed one more time as the sky lit up brighter and as we hear the streets become alive and active.
But all I know is it's just the two of us now. In our own world.
I will never forget this moment. It will always be carved in my heart.
If only madness ceases to exist in this world, maybe we can stay like this forever.
