Diamond in the Making

17. Empathize

How do you choose between wrong and right? To push one aside and focus on the other.

How do you decide who to follow when your head and your heart are battling? You know in your head what the right thing to do is. But what happens when your heart tells you otherwise?

You can't escape your wants and desires. No matter how hard you try to bury them within you, they will still be there waiting for you when your mind begins to wander.

I know I shouldn't be involved with Nate after all that I have found out about him. He's not the person I thought he was. If he lied to me once, he'll do it again. But was it lying or was it concealing the truth, my heart fought against my head. Would hiding the truth be much better? I guess it would because in a way, I've done that too so if I rule Nate out as a bad person then I should do the same for myself.

Whether it was lying or concealing the truth, my heart won't let me walk away. I'm willing to try and make it work because if I don't I'll end up in a sea filled with 'what if's'.

After everything went down with Nate, I fainted. I guess it makes sense, that's what stress, sleep deprivation, and lack of food will do to you, who would have thought.

The debate was settled in my unconscious mind, there would be no going back. I was ready to tell Nate as soon as I woke up.

When I finally awoke from my slumber, I was greeted by an empty room. I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to rid myself of the pure exhaustion I felt. The nurse came in and confirmed my self diagnosis.

"Did a guy come in with me?" I asked somewhat hopefully.

"Yes, but he left as soon as you got settled in," she said before walking out of the room.

So much for being the 'end of his story'. Would he have stayed if he actually cared about me? Did he really just drop me off and leave? Now I'm just overthinking it and my head is trying to convince my heart.

I got off the bed feeling slightly dizzy as I reached for my belongings. It was now late in the day, around 3:00, I guess I slept well. They were sending me home with some sleeping pills and pretty much told me not to forget to eat.

I got dressed in the same clothes from this morning but I refused to put on my heels. At this point, I don't give a fuck.

I walked through the halls of the hospital, making my way towards the exit, with my Jimmy Choo's in one hand and my Chanel bag in the other. My bare feet hit the cold floor as I got odd looks from different people, but a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.

You know when you get that feeling that someone is following you but you can't be sure. After the day I've had, it could just be my paranoia. I walked quickly through the long hall as I turned to look back and saw Roman. Fucking Roman. The dick who held a gun to my head. I approached him because I was in no mood to have him near me.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked through gritted teeth.

Roman is Nate's friend so if he's here that means Nate has to care about me right?

"You know what, don't answer that question, answer this one; where is he?"

"Outside, giving you a bit of space," he said.

"Can I have my gun back?"

"As long as you don't point it at my boss again." Boss, shit I guess I need to get used to that.

I just nodded and he handed it over. I quickly stuffed it in my purse, not wanting anyone to see.

"Take me to him," I said as I nudged his shoulder and went towards the doors. Maybe the nudge was immature but I needed to get back at him somehow.

Outside, the sun kissed my cheeks helping to instantly perk me up. Roman pointed to the black Escalade that I recognized from this morning.

"Thank you," I said to Roman before I realized the little shove didn't give me enough justice. "Oh yeah and fuck you," I said with a smile as his jaw dropped and I turned away from him.

I opened the door to the back seat and slid in. Looking to my left, I was met with the tired and sad blue eyes that always hypnotize me.

I took a deep breath, then looked forward before innocently asking, "so, are you gonna take me home?"

"How are you feeling?" He asked avoiding my question, at least I know he cares about me.

"Better. It was just everything was happening so fast and I haven't really been eating or sleeping," I said the last part really fast, hoping we could just bypass it.

"Why? What's been going on?" He asked quite concernedly.

"Before we get into that, I want you to know that I'm willing to give this," I said motioning between the two of us, "a shot." His eyes got brighter before I continued "only if we remain honest and truthful about everything," I said emphasizing the last word.

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know," he said as he reached for my hand, gazing into my eyes.

There is so much that needs to be said and discussed. But instead we sat in the back of the car, as his driver started his route to my house, leaning closer and closer until our lips touched and our tongues moved together.

We needed to make up for lost time. My feelings never changed for him, I always get a spark when I'm around him. I was still trying to decide if this was a good or a bad thing. I just need to live and learn.